𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟-𝑐𝑟𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 | a.s x fem!reader

13 - I can't hold you back

"What happens now, is the Princess can finally succeed to the throne as Queen of Solaris." 

Raya's words repeated in my brain for hours, leaving me unable to concentrate on the most simple things. I couldn't believe that Sarin was finally gone, his tyrannical rule over at last. With my leading member of the Government gone, that leaves me in complete power and therefore meaning I can take my rightful place on my mother's throne. This is all I've ever wanted...

Isn't it?

One of the last official proclamations my mother ever made before she died, was that I was to take the throne instead of my brother following her death. I remember that Ayzel wasn't too pleased seeing as he was the first-born. This was literally my mother's death wish, I can't ignore it. I just can't. I could finally help my people and my system grow from the oppression and suffering from the events in the past years-

Or you could make it worse.

I tried to ignore the voice in my head, but it was simply too loud.

You're probably going to be a worse leader than Sarin.

No, no I won't. I refuse to let myself become a person as vile as him.

Your people will probably hate you and overthrow you.

No...

You're a disgrace to your mother and Ayzel-

"SHUT UP!" I yell out loud to myself, sitting up on my bed. I brought my knees up to my head and buried my face in my blue skirt. Luckily no one was in my room to hear the crazy Princess yell at herself. Tears well up in my eyes as I look around my empty bedroom, trying to block out these thoughts running around in my head. This voice has never been there before, why now? So many things in my life are changing, and I don't know if I can handle it.

I need to distract myself.

I sigh and leave my room, walking out onto the halls and wandering aimlessly around my palace. I play with my hands as I patrol the corridors, passing the paintings of my family on the third floor. I took one look at my mother's beautiful face, and cast my gaze back to the floor, not being able to bear even looking at her. I felt ashamed, disappointed that I wasn't the daughter, the leader she deserved. I could never live up to the legacy she left behind, even if I tried. I drag myself away from the paintings and wander over to the parlour at the end of the corridor. I enter and sit on the couch in front of the fireplace, which was lit and roaring, warming my icy skin. I stare into the flames, the white light burning my eyes a little, but I didn't care. The flames painted pictures of the memories of my mother, memories of things which took place in these walls... both good and bad.

I was surrounded by so many people in the palace and on my planet, yet I felt more alone than ever. The room darkens as night falls, making the only light in the room was from the fireplace in front of me. I sit there mesmerized by the fire, wrestling with my self-doubt and inadequacy, completely lost in my own mind. I was completely shackled in my own thoughts, that I didn't even hear someone creep in. I continued to stare at the fire, not turning to look as they took their place next to me.

I knew exactly who it was.

"Are you ok, Princess?" Anakin said in a hushed, comforting voice. I turned to face him, his blonde curls made golden in the firelight.

"I-.. no. I don't think I am."

He raised his eyebrows and rearranged himself so he was sat directly in front of me. "Do you.. do you want to talk about it?"

I sigh; I needed to. He's probably the only one who understands me. Who just gets me. I trust him.

"All I've ever wanted my whole life, is to be just like my mother. And now I'm becoming her, I don't know how to cope. My whole world is shifting around me and the responsibility of running a whole system has just been placed upon me, with no guidance, no nothing. I'm haunted by the thoughts of not living up to my mother's legacy, thoughts of ruining my planet, hurting my people. I'm scared. I'm so scared, Anakin," I open up to him, placing my head in my hands.