Sanders Sides Mini Stories/Oneshots

~💔Memories💔~

TW: Remus angst (I guess???), sexual thoughts, self deprecation, cursing, mentions of past Anxceit, Remus, Remus's subconscious being an unhelpful little fuckass

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For the millionth time this week, Remus lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling and hating himself. Hating himself for not saying anything. For not making a move when he had the chance.

Because he was a coward, too afraid of losing a friendship.

Against his will his mind flicked back about two hours to when he had forced himself to sit through a movie with Virgil and Janus.

"Which wouldn't have been so bad if it had happened last week," whispered the little voice in his head. Because last week Janus and Virgil hadn't been together. Last week they wouldn't have been curled up on the same couch together, grinning and talking. Last week Remus wouldn't have had to do his best to fake smiles and repeatedly tell them how happy he was for them.

Last week would have been very different.

He sat up quickly, feverishly running his hands through his hair as he tried to block out the voice in the back of his head that continued to berate him.

"Shut up goddamnit," he grumbled. "Let me hate myself in peace."

Refusing to ease up on the verbal torment, the little voice began to compile every single painful memory his mind had to offer, whether it was relevant to his current issue or not.

"Okay, y'know what? Screw this," Remus growled, sinking out of his room and popping up in the area that served as the darkside's kitchen and livingroom. He started to rummage through the fridge, trying to find somthing interesting to eat. Bonus points if it was moldy or poisonous.

'Or maybe a drink,' he through, pulling a bottle of cheap vodka from the very back of the fridge. The label had faded to the point where it was unreadable, meaning the dusty bottle was god knows how old. Frost on one side showed where it had gotten a little too close to the wall separating the fridge from the freezer. He shook it. The liquid moved sluggishly, like maple syrup. It probably had several plague societies living in it. The perfect drink for wallowing in self-pity.

"Forgot about that. I wonder how long it's been in there," a cool voice spoke behind him. 'Well that's just perfect,' Remus thought bitterly. Out of all the sides, the one who showed up now was the one he least wanted to think about.

Feeling miserable and thoroughly determined to hide it, he just gave the mild comment, "You want it back?"

"Oh absolutely. I DEFINITELY feel like playing botulism roulette," Janus replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Remus wanted to turn around and shake the bottle in Dee's face--just to mess with him a little--but he didn't trust himself to not show pain. And Janus, literally being Thomas's embodiment of facades and trickery, would see right through him in a instant.

Still, Remus couldn't help but pay attention to the fact that he could sense Dee leaning against the doorway a few feet away. The room was quiet enough for Remus's sharp hearing to pick up on Dee's breathing and heartbeat. Almost subconsciously, he wondered what the other was wearing.

'Cut it out,' he thought at himself, irked, as he shut the fridge door with a little more force than was necessary. All he wanted was to go back to his room and down the bottle. By himself.

"So where have you been?" Janus asked as he strode over to the counter next to the fridge. He hoisted himself onto the countertop, crossing his legs in a matter-of-fact way. Remus just shrugged. He wanted to move away, quickly, but that would've been the fastest way to make Dee suspicious.

"Haven't seen you in a while. That's... unusual, to say the least," Janus prompted, raising an eyebrow. He folded his arms and leaned forward as he spoke. His face betrayed little and yet Remus could see that he was starting to suspect that something was wrong.

And right on cue, as if it were picking up on the tension, the little voice started up the next round of mental torment.

'What if you pinned him against that wall, right now? Ran your fingers through his hair, over his skin and scales? What if you kissed him, and he kissed back? What if you bit his neck, left marks, and he enjoyed it? What would happen then~?' the little voice mused. Malicious humor filled every inch of it. Remus almost choked on his own breath, the very idea sending shivers of pleasure through him like electricity. He shook off the feeling as soon as it came, starting to feel something close to panic. If he couldn't leave he would have to pull himself together. And fast.

"Just wanted a little peace and quiet to think up ideas for Thomas's nightmares. Is that too much to ask?" Remus muttered, hoping his tone passed as indignant rather than nervous. Janus seemed to think for a moment. Then he thrust his face forward until it was mere inches away from Remus's. The intrusive side's eyes shot open in surprise.

"You know what I think?" Janus said. His voice became dangerously soft as he spoke.

"I think that you are a dirty liar," Janus hissed as his eyes narrowed to slits. Remus immediately wished that he hadn't used that particular phrasing. His heartbeat felt erratic. A weak, paralyzed itch crept over his body. He couldn't think. He couldn't move. He could only stare back into those beautiful gold and brown eyes.

This was too much. The amount of combined anxiety and dopamime that Janus's presence was giving him was starting to make him feel lightheaded. It was... intoxicating. And it was getting to the point where it threatened to make him do something he would really, really regret. He needed to leave. Now.

Mustering all the strength he had left, he cleared his throat and tried to say something, "I- uh, I- I..." Janus sighed.

"Forget it." Janus grumbled, leaning back and re-folding his arms. Some of the paralysis in Remus's limbs ebbed. "You obviously aren't going to tell me whatever this is about unless I force you, and where's the fun in that?" Janus continued, gesturing at Remus as he spoke.

"Ah," Remus managed. He swallowed hard as Janus continued to stare at him, unable to believe his luck. Better not waste this opportunity.

"If you need me I'll be here." Janus said. "I'm guessing you just want to drink and forget."

Remus just nodded, popped the lid off the bottle and took a swig. The liquid was even stronger than he had thought. Even better for avoiding what had just happened.

"Bye," Janus said quietly as Remus sank out, still chugging the booze. Relieved to be back in his room, Remus fell onto his bed, feeling something close to satisfaction.

'Not gonna say anything now, are you? You lousy horse-shit eating bastard,' Remus spat gleefully at the voice in his head. There was no reply, but a sullen presence let him know that it had heard. Staring at the booze in his hand, he wondered if life was only going to get harder from here on out. God, he hoped not...

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Sooo... yeah. That happened. I've never written angst before so this probably sucks lol. I see what other angst writers were talking about though: it is sorta fun to hurt your character's feelings 😈

Be queer, do tax fraud 🏳️‍🌈✌

-🍾Bracken🍾