Twice In A Lifetime | Book 2 (Completed)

15. FRAGILE TRUST

Chapter 15: FRAGILE TRUST

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Jensen's POV:

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I made my way towards the party but steered clear of the crowd as much as I could and found myself at the bar. All kinds of thoughts swam in my mind, giving me a headache.

I can't believe I said that to her. Was I that desperate? Truth be told 'yes' I was, I didn't care about anything, pride be damned.

But I actually said those three words to her, something I thought I would never feel for anybody. Love could either build you up, or destroy you completely, I've seen it do both, but it doesn't last....no matter how beautiful and unique it is, it just doesn't last.

Mom and dad were madly in love, it was the kind of love that made you believe in fairytales, but after what happened to dad... everything fell apart and it just wasn't the same anymore. Everything changed, mom had never been the same person, and I've come to understand that she'll never be.

It's like a beautiful mirage, enticing you in, but it is hiding all the horrors in its core, horrors that you can't escape. That's when I had decided it wasn't for me. No. Never happening.

And it worked out quite well... but then suddenly this? How? It's like someone just pulled the rug from beneath my feet, and the wind was knocked right out of me as I fell.... face first, with no warning and there was no time to brace myself either.

It's far too unfair. But falling in love with her was easier than breathing, It was like going with the flow and dropping with gravity. No effort.

But it's all ruined now.

I looked at my sister and the smile in her bright eyes as her fiance said something to her, they were standing next to each other, looking like there's no place they would rather be... at least she found happiness again, I'm glad and a part of me is grateful to Kyle.

I sat on a barstool, glaring daggers at whoever dared to approach me. I wanted to get drunk, but knew I couldn't, it was my sister's engagement party and I had to be present in body and mind. I hated responsibilities sometimes. I grabbed the bartender's attention and asked for a glass of orange juice, he complied but not without an odd look.

I just tried not to look as exhausted as I felt. My mind still racing.

I haven't experienced fear, not like today, usually, it's not even found anywhere in my vicinity, and sometimes when it does make an appearance it's just there at the back of my mind, easy to ignore and even easier to put forth a steely exterior with a calm front, but today it was gripping almost suffocating and absolutely staggering.

Fear is a sign of weakness and I wasn't weak. That's not an adjective anyone would associate with me. But the moment I told her how I really felt, I was truly and utterly at her mercy. I knew my eyes were pleading, they expressed fear. Fear that I might not mean as much to her as she does to me. Fear of rejection.

I was vulnerable. Absolutely unguarded, she always manages to tear my walls down without even trying. I know I've ruined it now, with my stupid unnecessary confession which was just so hard to keep in.

She must be horrified, profoundly flabbergasted and I don't blame her one bit. How was I going to face her now? Is This It? Is this how it ends?

She looked so beautiful.

I almost kissed her.....now I wish I had. Would she have stopped me? Damn! I should have kissed her. Kissed her till we both forgot why we shouldn't. Kissed all the doubts and uncertainties away.