Love Me Harder✔

six

{edited }

do you miss me like i miss you?

fucked around and got attached to you

friends can break your heart too, and 

i'm always tired but never of you.

___

My alarm clock buzzed next to me, singling that it was 5:15 in the morning. I rolled over in my bed and slammed my hand down on the snooze button. Ten more minutes wouldn't hurt me. But as the sun slowly began to peak into my bedroom and the birds outside were chirping, I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. So, I slowly rolled out of bed, literally, and stretched my arms and cracked my back a bit. I looked out the window and noticed that it was open a crack so my curtains were blowing in the light wind. I would have just shut my window if it weren't for the note taped to it. Taking the note of the window, I slowly opened it and began reading it:

I honestly have no idea how I ended up in your bed last night nor what I said or did. If I offended you in anyway or touched you in a way you didn't like - I am sorry. Thanks for helping me though with my cuts and trying to keep me sober. Whatever I said last night, disregard it, it probably wasn't true.

Sleep Tight Princess,

D.

After reading the note, I crumbled it up and threw it into the trash can next to my desk. God, he infuriates me to no end. I hate him so much. First, he comes into my home drunk and bleeding. Then he says shit that makes me rethink everything I ever thought about him and everything people always said about him. He tells me he loves me a little too late but there was always that what if he came back? What would I do? 

But then he leaves a note and tells me to disregard what he said. Do I forget that he told me he loved me? Did he mean it? After all, drunk sayings are sober thoughts.

Stop, Darcy, he hurt you. You hate him. You don't want him. I ignored the voice inside my head and thought about what my heart wants. Can my heart handle another heartbreak? Can I handle Derek and his mood swings? Is he just going to kill me in the end?

"Darcy!" I heard my dad shout my name, ridding my thoughts of Derek and what he is doing to me, mentally and physically. I thought about what was about to happen with my dad. Was he still mad at me? Was our relationship ruined because of what I said?

"Yeah?" I responded through the door, giving myself a mini pep talk so I could get through this dreadful conversation about to come. 

"May I come in?" I nodded my head and after a few seconds of the door not opening, I realized he couldn't see that. I looked at the door and said, "Yeah, Dad, come in."

I sat on my bed and heard my door open. Footsteps lightly padded against my floor and a body sat in my bed. I turned to face my dad, tears already forming at the bottoms of my eyes, "I'm so so sorry for the things I said to you the other night. I didn't mean one thing I said! I love you way too much, dad, and I guess after all these years, I'm still mad at mom for what she did to you and I. I just can't afford to lose someone else in my life and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you. Words can't make up for what I said the other night and if I could take them back, I would in a heartbeat. I'm such a disgrace and I wish I didn't need to say those things to actually have someone pay attention to me for once. I've just been so down because of the whole Derek thing and I'm- I'm sorry!"