Love Me Harder✔

eight

 { edited }

play play play all the same old games

and we wait wait wait for the end to change

___

I was currently sitting in Uncle Zayn's house. I was petting Perrie's dog, who happily slept in my lap. The kids were sleeping and Perrie was just getting done cooking dinner. Uncle Zayn had called me over. He said he needed to talk about something with me. So here I sat, petting the small dog and waiting for him to finish eating his dinner. After a little while, he emerged, coming over to sit next to me. 

"How are you doing?" He asked me, studying my face.

"I'm fine." lies lies lies

He scoffed, "That's the number one answer everyone says to that question and half the time, they're lying." He closed his eyes and then opened them again, studying my facial expression, "Go on, want to try that again?"

I sighed, "Well, mentally, I don't know anymore. I feel all messed up to even think of an actual thought. Physically, I'm drained and always tired and it feels like my heart will fall out and I will die a painfully slow, heartbroken death."

He smiled, a soft distant smile, "I know." He said, putting emphasis on the 'know'.

"What do you mean? About how I am feeling, or about something else?"

He smiled, a full blown smile, " A little bit of both."

I narrowed me eyes, my petting of the dog ceasing, "What are you talking about?"

He leaned back on the couch, his arms folding behind his head with a knowing smirk on his lips, "I know what you're feeling and I also know about Derek and maybe a little bit about Stephen too."

I paused, feeling the color drain from my face, "What about Derek?"

Uncle Zayn smiled, leaning forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees, "I know he sneaks into your bedroom every night and I know Stephen is spreading lies about you."

I paused, my cheeks reddening and I stammered over my next words, "That's not... That isn't true. I have no idea what you are talking about."

He let out a deep laugh, his eyes crinkling, "I'm not stupid. Your bedroom is right in front of my bedroom window. I see him sneak in every night and I see you yell at him every night. We also keep tabs on you. We were famous once, you know. I know some very important that can dig into your life and find out anything. I might know the basics but I want to know why."

I frowned, not liking this conversation too much. "Why what?"

"Why does he sneak into your room and why do you seem to always push him away. It seems as if he really loves you, Darce. Also, what's the story between you and Stephen? Why is he back in your life? I thought you were finished with him when he broke your heart freshman year of high school."

I sighed, the dog waking up and jumping off my lap. I didn't know what to do with my hands anymore so I just awkwardly ran my hands through my hair, "He started coming into my room about a month ago. He came in all beat up and drunk. So I cleaned up his cuts and I let him sleep on my floor. Then he started coming around every night, drunk or no,t and I just let him. He told me he loves me but he really hurt me on Christmas. I don't know if I should trust him again. I don't want my heart broken again.

"The whole Stephen thing isn't really relevant. He's a douche bag and hasn't changed these past four years. However, he is a good person to talk to and he does give me some advice on Derek."

Uncle Zayn sighed, "Do you love them"

I thought for a minute, did I truly still love Derek as more than a friend? Did I still love Stephen after all these years?  "I love Stephen, but not like I used to. I love him as my friend. Derek, on the other hand, is someone that you just don't get over in a few months. I still love him, with whatever is left of me."

Zayn nodded. He sat back on the couch and took a deep breath. "Let me tell you a story. I was 22 when I left One Direction. It was right after you were born and I couldn't handle the pressure or the hate and the rumors, so I left. The fandom was so heart broken and they threatened to kill themselves if I did't come back, and when I didn't, some did. For a week, everyone either loved me or hated me. I just wanted to take a break. It was our fourth tour and I was beyond exhausted. I missed my family, I missed my girlfriend, and I missed my peace and life before the X-Factor. When I left, I said that I wanted to become a normal 22 year old and stay out of the spotlight for a while. But being in the worlds biggest boy band didn't necessarily mean I would become 'normal.

"So, I began house hunting and rumors started circling again. One of my mates, Naughty Boy decided he wanted to sing with me. I said yes and I didn't think that answer would cause that many problems. The fandom began directing their hate towards Naughty Boy and towards me. They hated me because I left music to do more music. But no one really understood. Louis lashed out and defended our fans. They thought I chose Naughty Boy over them when I didn't. I could never choose someone else over the people who got me where I was. 

"After half a year, I realized I wasn't happy again. I realized I wanted back in and I missed my brothers and I missed the singing and the tours and the screaming fans. So I came back but, not with One Direction. I came back as a solo artist, writing music that made me happy and described me as a person.  I was happier than ever. That mini break got me thinking; I realized that I was never unhappy with being a singer but that I lost my way. I forgot why I wanted the job in the first place and I think you're forgetting why you wanted Derek in the first place."

I didn't know what to say after Uncle Zayn's mini story. I knew he left One Direction but I didn't know why. After the silence that seemed to be everlasting, I spoke. "So you're saying that I needed this break with Derek to realize why I wanted him in the first place?"

Uncle Zayn frowned, "Actually, the other way around. Girls never need breaks, they just know who the fuck boys are and who they aren't. What I am trying to say is that you are the band and Derek is the singer. He needed to leave you to take a break. During his break he needed to realize that what he needed most was you. So coming into your room at night is his way of coming back to his 'band'. Do you understand?"

I nodded, a small smile forming on my face, "Yeah, I do. Thanks, Uncle Zayn."

He smiled, "No problem kiddo."

"I  love you."

Uncle Zayn smiled again, giving me a small kiss on my forehead. "Love you more."

With that, I walked out of their house with one thought on my mind: I was going to tell Derek tonight that I loved him. 

 If only I knew that he was never going to show up in my room tonight. 

_______

Song of chapter: Same Mistakes by One Direction