Love Me Harder✔

eleven

{edited}

does it makes you feel good to make me feel small?

when you're pushing me down, does it make you feel tall?

pointing out my flaw cause you wanna erase them all

does it make you feel good to make me feel small?

____

I woke up on the floor. My nose was stuffy and my eyes felt sore. My chest and heart hurt. I was so tired of being hurt and so tired of getting treated like total and utter crap. I feel like no matter who I came into contact with, I end up getting treated like a piece of shit on the side of the road. 

Pushing myself off the floor, I checked the time on the night stand table. It flashed 11:57 at me. I had slept through my alarm clock and missed getting up and ready for school. I laid on the floor for a few more minutes and then stood up and walked over to my dresser, picking out a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt from my dad's band. As I was about to get into the shower, a knock was sounding on my door. 

Dad came in. "Why aren't you at school?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

I sighed. "I fell asleep and I guess I was so tired that I slept through my alarm clock. I woke up about ten minutes ago."

Dad nodded his head. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head this time. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Perfectly fine."

I gave him my best smile as he said. "If you say so." 

He can see right through me.

Just as he was about to leave I whispered a faint. "Wait." I wasn't sure if he had heard what I said and if he didn't, then oh well.

 But, I guess he did hear me since he turned around and shut the door. "Yeah?"

I sat down on my bed and dad followed, sitting down besides me. Tears prickled at the corner of my eyes. "Actually, I'm not okay, dad and I haven't been for a while."

Dad sighed. "What's wrong, honey? What's happening? You know you can speak to me about anything and everything. I love you with all my heart." 

I began twiddling with my fingers. "I know you love me, it's just that I feel like I'm unwanted."

I looked up from my lap and my dad's eyebrows were furrowed. "Why do you feel like that, baby girl?"

I bit my lip, to stop my self from letting a sob escape my body. "Because, I feel like I give my all to people, to the ones I love, and I receive nothing in return. Well, I do but it usually ends in heartbreak and misery for me," I sighed, hating the feeling of the back of my eyes burning from the tears beginning to well up, "I just feel like I'm unwanted, that's it. I feel like a waste of space and I feel like I deserve to go the way mom did."

I whispered the last part, hating myself for saying that to my dad, let alone in general. But if there's anything I learned in my short life, it's that you shouldn't keep your feelings bottled up inside of you. I was bound to break and I needed to vent. LJ and Jacob don't understand. They don't understand the feeling of wanting to just end it all. They don't understand what it's like to be alive but feel like you're not. 

"How long have you been feeling like this Darcy?"

"Since Derek broke up with me."

Dad sighed. "I'm sorry."