Love Me Harder✔

ten

{edited}

where ever you've gone?

i just need to know

that you won't forget about me.

___

It had been two nights since Jacob came over and showed me the pictures of Derek and those girls on his Facebook. Its been two nights since I sent my texts to Derek and was left on read. I was still heartbroken. Derek has done so much damage to me, damage I don't know can be fixed. He gives me so much anxiety and sadness. He is confusing to no end. One day he says he's bad for me and the next he's confessing his undying love for me. I don't know what to believe from him anymore and I'm tired of getting hurt and lied to. I'm tired of being the laughing stock.

I don't understand why people say heartbreak is romantic and causes you to become a stronger and better person because of it. There's nothing beautiful about losing feeling in your knuckles after squeezing your hands so tight to keep you from texting him. There's nothing beautiful about feeling like your heart is being ripped from inside of you. There's nothing beautiful about feeling hopeless and desperate, waiting for him to come back and knowing that he won't.

***

"Darce?"

I heard my name being called and my bedroom door opening. LJ walked into my room, two milkshakes in his hand. He walks over to my bed and hands me one. I thank him and let the cold drink slide down my throat.

"Is Uncle Luke and Uncle Cal here?" I  asked, sitting up in my bed and pausing the movie I was watching on Netflix.

"No. All the guys went out for a guys night since the girls went to the mall for a girls day. Dad dropped me off here and Uncle Harry told me to come and cheer up his 'little girl'."

I smiled faintly, my heart aching. "How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in years."

LJ smiled softly, "You've been too busy with Stephen or Derek to notice Jacob or I anymore."

I frowned. "I'm sorry. I'm acting like such a stupid, naive girl. I don't know what's wrong with me. It feels more like a need than a want to be with Derek. It's like I need to be with him to feel whole, to feel like the real Darcy again. It's like I need him to make me feel alive."

LJ sighed, "I'm always here for you. You're my best friend. Never forget that, okay?"

I nodded, "Okay. How about you come and lay down with me and watch movies with me all day?"

LJ nodded and crawled into bed. He positioned himself on the right side of the bed and kicked off his shoes. I lifted the covers up and he crawled under, wiggling around until he was comfy again. I pressed the play button and finished the movie I was watching before he came into my room. He sipped on his milkshake and didn't say another word.

***

I don't remember falling asleep. I don't remember a lot of things these days.

I woke up with a startle. My room was dark and the curtains were open, showing  the full moon and the shining stars. I looked over to my right and saw that LJ wasn't there anymore. There was a note saying he left a few hours ago because Uncle Luke and the others had come back. I looked at my clock and saw that it was only 2:32 in the morning. I laid back down in my bed and looked up at the ceiling. I wanted to sleep but I felt as if my brain was on overdrive and wouldn't shut off.

A creak on the floor boards made me shoot up in my bed, my brain thinking the worst. My room was dark but a figure was stumbling towards me. In the moonlight I noticed Derek's black hair. I sighed, my heart already feeling heavy. 

Stop letting him under your skin. He doesn't deserve you. 

"How did you get in?" I asked, turning onto my side so that my back was to him.

Derek stood at the foot of my bed. He wasn't drunk but I'm pretty sure he was a bit tipsy. There was a faint smell of alcohol in my room. "You should learn to lock your own windows. Anyone can get in and rob you or kidnap you."

"And you should learn to not intrude in other people's houses. This is private property. No one can get into my house without getting through security. I don't know how you keep getting pass security alarms but this is trespassing. I could have you arrested. I could scream and have my dad and my uncles here in minutes. Would you like me to press charges on you? I could, you know."

Derek squinted, "You wouldn't call the cops on me."

I held my head up high. "Yes, yes I would."

"No you wouldn't. You're too in love with me to do something like that to me. You know my living arrangements and you know my family doesn't have the money to bail me out of jail at three in the morning." He said smugly.

I frowned, "I'm not in love with you and I could give two shits what happens to you or your family. You only cause me pain and heartache. I don't need you anymore."

Derek sat on my floor and looked up at me, "Are you sure about that, princess?"

"Yes, I am," I frowned, was I? "Also, don't call be 'princess'."

Derek tilted his head. "Are you really sure? Because not too long ago, you were confessing your undying love to me. I will also call you whatever I please."

"And not too long ago you were confessing your love to me, but where did you go? Oh yeah, that's right, to go and fuck some other girls at a high school house party. My name is Darcy, call me that."

Derek was silent, so I spoke up. My heart was racing and my anger was flaring. "You're not so high and mighty anymore, now are you? I caught you at your little game. You think you can get some daddy's little rich girl to fall in love with you so you can break her heart? You either just want to prove to people that you can't be changed and that you are some bad boy, or you want to be with me for my money. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened to me. Everyone wants to be my friend because their parents liked my uncles and dad or because I'm filthy rich and that's what you want, right? You want the money because you live on the bad side of town. You're jealous and you always have been and always will be."

Derek looked completely pissed off. He began to rise to his feet, no longer wanting to be girls and share our deepest, darkest secrets. He spat out his next sentences.  "Listen here you, spoiled little brat, I know who I am. I am not going to prove to anybody that I am something else. I know what I am. I'm not playing games and I don't want your stupid father's money because he was in some shitty ass boy band. Do you understand me? I don't care if you're in love with me. I don't love you. I never was in love with you and I never will be."

I smirked, though on the inside I felt like I was dying, "Really? So you don't care that I fucked Stephen more than once right? You don't care that I lost my virginity to him and that we were friends with benefits for years?"

Derek's eyes shifted, his smug smile twitched a bit. I hit a nerve but obviously not hard enough. "No, I could care less what a spoiled little bitch like you does. All you are is a whore that no one likes."

And with those final words, he left my room the same way he had come in. I fell back into my bed, the tears already flowing freely from my eyes. I guess in the end, when he finally truly left, I understood why storms are named after people.

_____

Song of Chapter: Don't Forget About Me by Cloves