heaven in a wildflower [criminal minds]

chapter two - patzer

patzer - a weak chess player

*4 days later*

The sky was dark outside, resting my head on the cool window, I could feel the jet rumbling. The condensation of my breath clouded the window and blurred my view of the lights below. I was brought out of my daze by Spence sitting down opposite me.

"What ya thinking about?" he said, handing me a mug of coffee. I signed, but Spencer nodded reassuringly.

"Jackson would have been 21 today," I said looking out the window. Spencer's smile sank into nothing, he spoke again, but this time it was softer and with a gentle tone,

"it's his birthday today?"

"Yeah" I smiled lightly. I avoided his eyes, feeling slightly awkward at my outburst.

"Oh god, you would have loved him Spence, he was smart, really smart. He was going to be a scientist one day. He always told me to read and learn."

Looking down, away from Spencer, at the chessboard in front of us, I picked up a piece and fiddled with it in my hand rolling it over my thumb.

"He was the one who taught me how to play chess,"

I whispered as my voice caught in my throat, I felt a warm sensation in my eye as a tear started to form.

Sensing I wanted something to distract me, he started setting the pieces.

"Ah, the battle of the geniuses" Rossi said, looking from over his glass of whisky. The other team members gathered around.

"My money is on Esme," JJ said, winking at me. "Come on pretty boy, you can't let a kid beat you" Morgan teased, shaking Spencer's shoulders.

We were still playing as the jet touched down. "You're telling me I sat watching you for 20 minutes for it to be a stalemate, no one won, are you kidding me?" Emily sighed.

"I definitely won," I said. "What no you didn't," Reid protested.

As the elevator door opened, I saw a familiar face "Leona" I exclaimed, she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

The rest of the team walked past us into the bullpen exchanging smiles with her, leaving me and Leona in the hallway,

"Is everything okay, what are you doing here?" I asked. "Spencer called me, said it was a shit day and that you might need some company?",

"he said that?" I replied confused. "Well, not those exact words," Leona said leading me to the elevator. Spencer caught my eye as the door closed "thank you" I mouthed.

Spencer and I have always got on, he's like my big brother, I don't know whether it is the genius thing or the dysfunctional families, but he just gets me.

I could practically feel my eyes closing as me and Leona got back to our apartment. Leona had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, she lived with her older sister in England, after the bombing she moved to Virginia with me.

"I've got a shift at the fire department in a couple of hours," she said, "ooh, a night shift, ouch" I replied "alright, goodnight Es", "be safe" I smiled back.

The floorboards were cold, creaking underneath my feet, lifting my phone screen, the light blinded me, 4:12 am, it was the first time today that I truly felt alone, and I felt empty, I hadn't slept properly for weeks.

I knew it was getting bad again, and there was nothing I could do.