Mind over Matter

Chapter Four: Just Keep Breathing

So here's another chapter for u guys. I know I haven't updated in like four days but I didn't really have the motivation to write. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter and don't hate me too much for it <3 Stay safe besties.

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Derek and Meredith had spent two weeks carefully planning out every minute of resecting Richard's tumor down to the very second. They had kept their professional distance and their connection was the last thing on their mind. The endlessly long hours studying and perfecting their plan had finally come to an end, as today was the day of Richard's surgery.

Meredith was nervously pacing back and forth in her office. She knew damn well what day today was. For the past two weeks, she had been putting off thinking about the moment that she actually had to go and do the surgery. As the day was finally there, it seemed nearly impossible to survive it. How could she actually go in and resect the tumor of the man that had raised her like she was his own child?

As she continued her plane crash of procrastination, Derek made his way down the corridor. He was equally as nervous. His part in the surgery was to make sure the peripheral nervous system wasn't permanently damaged in the process of removing the tumor. He had seen how Meredith became more and more stressed even though they had spent consecutive hours practicing the procedure together in the skills-lab. He also knew the risks that came with a procedure this physically demanding.

Meredith stopped her nervous routine when Derek entered the office, holding two cups of coffee.

"Goodmorning Dr. Shepherd" she said, sitting down at her desk to take a final look at the plan together.

"So you're still calling me Dr. Shepherd? Even though we spent every day together for the past two weeks" he said, sitting across from her.

He handed her one of the cups and continued sipping on his own.

After a few seconds of silence, she answered his question. "We spent it working together professionally" she said with a stern voice.

"And we kissed in an elevator" he said looking at her with a smirk on his face.

"Which I thoroughly enjoyed by the way" he added and took another sip of his coffee.

"I already told you Dr. Shepherd, that was a one-time thing" she said, with a small grin.

"You say that, but I think we should really do that again" he said as he tilted his head at her, giving her that dreamy look.

She just rolled her eyes at him and finished drinking her coffee.

After they finished going over the procedure once again, it was time for them to head down to the OR and scrub in.

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Meredith and Derek were scrubbing next to each other. A scent of betadine soap and nervous sweat lingered in the scrub room. Both surgeons were one of the best in their field, no surgery had scared them before. But this surgery, this one was different. They stood silently next to each other, both lost in their thoughts and worries.

Meredith looked up at the now unconscious and prepped Richard Webber and felt a wave of anxiety creeping up along her spine. He was family to her. She understood why he wanted her to do it, but she still resented him. If she were to be the one that killed her father-figure, how could she continue working as a surgeon, how could she even life with herself. She couldn't do this, not on Richard. How much she had looked forward to this day in a professional manner, meant nothing as the reality of who the patient really was to her set in. All of the hours and effort that they had put into this procedure suddenly meant nothing as she froze, doubting the decision to even do the operation.