Spotlight |h.s|

Sixty Five

TW// DISCUSSION OF RAPE & ASSAULT

Harry Styles

I'm utterly speechless after reading the name on the cover of the book Aubrey's had her nose in for days, it not being one I've forgotten for even a second of my life.

The name of the one who left me. The one who ditched Ruby and I so we could be alone with the terrible person that is Thomas Styles. The one who gave me life, then ran away to leave me with the person that made me want her to take it back. To remove me from the awful life I had no choice but to live.

"You said her name was Grace when we filled out those questionnaires months ago, but that's such a common name. I didn't put it together. I'm sorry." Aubrey guiltily explains herself as I stay frozen in shock, so taken aback by this unexpected turn of my life that words are difficult to form.

Haven't I undergone enough change recently?

"What's the book about?" I ask for more information on all of this, needing some kind of clarity as to what my mom is like to begin with.

Is it a true story? Is it fiction? Is there something hidden between the lines that gives me some insight as to what her life has been like since she left? Any sort of indirect references to Ruby and I?

The second I ask, her face drops. She looks down at the book in my hold, one of her hands threatening to reach up and cover her mouth to hide the drop of her jaw. That reaction definitely isn't a good sign, making me even more nervous about whatever it is.

I try to be patient, feet tapping on the floor beneath them and sweat forming on the back of my neck out of stress. Her eyes keep darting between the book and I, making it look like she's piecing something together the longer she looks. Whatever it is, I don't think it's good.

"Harry..." She trails off in concern, not knowing how to tell me whatever she's about to.

"It's okay. She hates me, doesn't she? Her leaving was my fault just like he always told me. You can say it." I assume the story hints at my mom's true feelings for me, that being the only realistic explanation for her reaction right now.

She shakes her head to indicate that I'm wrong, her eyes being widened as she seems to be putting everything into the correct places while I sit right beside her completely in the dark on what's going on. I see her mentally retracing the events of the writing, mouthing small things to herself since her thoughts are so rapid she needs to hold a form of control over which ones to focus on.

My anxiety builds as I wait, palms sweating and feet quickening their tapping nature against the floor. I spin my rings on every finger, that being a nervous habit I've picked up from her. She has so much control over me that she even influences my nervous tics. I didn't know that was possible.

"H, I... I really don't think you know the whole story with your mom. If this author is 100% her, there's a whole side you know nothing about." She chooses her words carefully in an attempt to ease my worry, only making the pit in my stomach grow in size.

"So tell me the story, then." I encourage, feeling odd about asking her for a story involving my family.

She learned about my mom before I even got the chance to. I can't be the one to tell her this story, though that's traditionally how family-related confessions work. Instead, she's telling me about my own mother who resorted to running away and writing instead of confronting her problems. 

"Until we're sure it's her, I don't want to tell you." She shakes her head.

"Is it that bad?" My stomach drops even further.