Shielding You From Sorrow♡

Chapter 20

Goodbye?

Lili's POV

Chae came back to my room with a glass of water.

"Here". She gave me the glass smiling a bit. I get it and drink a little amount of water.

I lost my appetite to eat or drink anything.

I also lost my interest in everything.

"Do you feel fine now?". She sat beside me. "Chae I need you to book me a flight for Thailand tommorow afternoon". I said refusing to answer her question.

Obviously I'm not, my world just fall apart. Who would be fine.

"A-are you sure?". She asked not believing what I just said. "Maybe you're right chae. I need to give myself a break. I am very low chae. Every now and then I questioned myself where did I lack at. What did I do to my past life to deserve all of this. I always questioned my existence, like I feel like I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to exist. Does my life worth living for?". I rant crying all over again.

It's damn hurt seeing the person you love hugging someone else like there's no tomorrow.

"Lisa do not question everything about you. You deserve to live and exist. You are worth it Lisa, someone's just..... Don't appreciate it, but me, Jisoo, your mom and your dad appreciates you so much. Even blinks, blinks love you so much. You are like a gem to us. The rarest and prettiest gem Lisa. Heal yourself cause you give too much". She said holding my hand refusing to look at me struggling again.

"Did I lose her? Am I a loser chae?". Looking down I said those words.

Pain really ate my whole system.

"You didn't lose her, you lose yourself. You didn't lose cause you never quit fighting. It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back. You never lose by loving, you always lose by holding back". Her words woke me up. It's a hard slap for me.

I look at her with admiring eyes. My eyes that full of tears. But she just looked at me with awful eyes.

"I'm sorry if you suffered like this a lot. It's hard for me to see you like that, it pains me too. It's hard and difficult for me but what more for you. It's more difficult for you cause you're the one who felt that pain. When you go to Thailand promise me to heal yourself. Let your parents be your happiness and medicine okay. Eat a lot". She said and hugged me.

"I'm sorry chae. I'm sorry for being a burden to you". I sighed as I remembered all the troubles I made.

"You're not a burden to me. Stop that kind of mindset. I can lose everything I have just for you. You are very important to me really". She said caressing my hair.

Why did I not see chae as more than friends and a sister before. She was there for me almost everytime since then until now. She used to have feelings for me but now she has someone who can treat her better than I do.

"Get some rest. I'll comeback later to help you fix your things". She said and went outside.

Will you be happy and free when I'm gone? Will you be contented without me? Maybe. You can do everything without me. But me? I think I can't do it. I'm not as brave as you. You are tough to fight emotional sickness while I'm just tough when it comes to physical.

Stop it Lisa. Fix your things.

Stop overthinking and forget her.

My mind says but my heart said the opposite.