Shielding You From Sorrow♡

Chapter 29

Leave to live

Lili's POV

This is it. I finally come up with a decision on what to do to my life.

Life is really tough on us. We all have different kinds of ups and downs. We all have problems in life. And we all have different kinds of strategies to forget those problems.

Hurting in love doesn't mean that we lost everything. The world is still beautiful out there. And I will see the beauty of the world by leaving all my problems behind.

No! I am not running away like a coward. I am not running away to all the problems I have. But if leaving can make me feel alive, then I am willing to leave without any hesitations.

"Mommy". I called my mom who's currently at the kitchen and obviously my chef dad is with her.

"Yes love". She answered me while holding a kitchen utensils.

"I-i want to live abroad". I said looking at her and at my dad's eyes.

"Sure love. You can live where ever you wanted to live. If that's what make you get back to yourself then, we'll allowing you". I don't know why but for the first time, I feel my freedom. I didn't know they'll allow me that easily.

"You guys sure about it? It's fine with you? Dad?". I want to make assurance.

"You got my full trust pran. As long as you can take care of yourself then it's fine with me. With us". Dad gets too emotional again.

"When do you plan to leave? Where are you going? You already have a place to stay in?". As usual. A typical attitude of a mom.

"I'll leave later. And don't worry mom, dad I already have a place to stay in". I didn't answer the place where I am going.

I'm sorry I need to lie again.

"What? You're planning to leave later? It's Jennie Kim's wedding day". Mom exaggerated her reaction.

I know that it's their wedding day. That's why I am leaving cause I don't want to see the love of my life get married with the person she love. I support them but there's a part of me that is still hurting when I see them together.

I can't bear to watch them. It's the only way I know to make myself better and easier. To leave.

"Just always do your best so you don't have to regret at the end". Dad said sighing for the nth time.

I know it's not easy for him to let me go but what's more with my mom.

I grew up so close with them. When I am still a kid I used to cry all night cause I don't want to sleep alone in my room. I used to cry at the school cause I don't want my mom to left me in there.

They're both went through a lot because of me. And I can't help but to tear up. I don't want to leave them.

But I need too.

I need to leave for me to feel that I am still alive.

"It's fine love. Cry it out. If you're crying because of us then, you should stop. We are grown up now, we can handle ourselves. What's more important for us is you. You're our only daughter pran. We always want the best for you". They both hugged me when tears started to come out.

I can't help but to feel sad.

The sun is now ready to set when I arrived at Seoul, South Korea.

After bidding my goodbye to my parents I already left the house. It's hard to bid my goodbye, that's why we took too long.

I went straight at blackpink house. Only to see chaesoo cuddling at the living room.

"Yah get a room. It's disgusting". I acted like I am disgusted but I am so happy and grateful for them.

I am happy they ended up together. I am so grateful for them to have each other's company. With Jisoo I am comfortable to leave chaeyoung. As well as chaeng, I am at ease leaving them cause they have each other.

"Lisa-yah!! When did you get here??". Jisoo unnie asked loudly. Super loud that it can break my eardrums.

"Yah jisoo-yah! Why are you shouting?? I am not deaf for Pete's sake. Can you talk calmer?". I frowned. Ugh I might lost my sense of hearing because of her.

"Whennnnnnn diiiiiddddd youuuuuuu geeeeeetttttt heeeeeerrreee mottthhhhherrrrfvckeeerrrrr?". She said whispering only to hear small amount of her voice.

She pouted when rosé throw a pillow at her face. She looked at me asking what did she do?

"Ugh! Language please". Chaeng rolled her eyes sitting at the sofa again.

I stick my tongue out at Jisoo who's now dumbfounded.

"I'm leaving". I said after the long silence.

The two look at me with confusion.

"You're leaving? You just got here idiot". Jisoo says. But I kept my serious face for her to know that I am pertaining to something.

"Wait! What? What do you mean you are leaving? You're leaving now or you're leaving us for good?". I am right. Rosé will get it. She knows me.

Jisoo looked at me then look at chaeng and do it vice versa.

"I-i'm sorry. I'm leaving for good. For now". I bowed for them not to see my face. I don't want to make eye contact with them. If I do or else I will end up crying.

"What do you mean? Did something happened? What's wrong?". Jisoo asked still not believing what I said.

"If that what's make you feel fine, then I agree. I agree even if it's not totally fine for me. If that's what make you back to yourself, if that what make you heal and forget all those pain and struggle. I am allowing you to go". Rosè said emotional when I didn't find the courage to answer Jisoo unnie's question.

"I-it's fine for me too. Just promise us. Promise us that you'll comeback. BLACKPINK isn't possible if we weren't four". Jisoo hugged me.

A hug that's not too tight and not too loose. A hug that can warm my cold heart. A hug that feels like home and comforting.

"I promise I will come back. I will come back not as a fragile lili but as a tough lalisa. Just promise me that I still have the reason to come back. Promise me that you two will welcome me with open arms". Now I let my tears to dripped.

"We promise you". The two said in unison.

We three hugged each other. Not minding the sad feeling raging through our chest.

"Kim Jisoo. Park chaeyoung. This is not a goodbye. I'll promise to get back to you guys. You are my home, my shelter, my comfort". I said fixing myself.

"It's getting late. We need to go. It's Jennie Kim's wedding day". Chaeng look at me sadly.

"Where's the venue?". I asked as I got curious.

"It's in Paris. Don't tell me you didn't receive an invitation?". Jisoo spoke. "I did. I received one but I don't have the courage to open it. It's fine for me now". They smiled at me sadly.

Congratulations Kai, you fulfilled her dream. She dreamt to get married in Paris and you are the who achieved it.

Before they left I already told them what's my reason for leaving. I didn't tell them where I am going. I don't want to make them or give them a burden a again.

They already packed their things here in blackpink house but mine is still there as well as Jennie Kim's. She just got the important stuffs and left the others.

Goodbye for now!

I am now ready to leave to make myself feel  alive.

Farewell to all of you.

See you when the tough lalisa already compose herself.