He Saved Me(Ashton irwin)

Chapter 26- Cause I'm not fine at all

Mandy's Pov.
I was at home and the boys were at an interview today. Danelia was off doing something with one of her friends and I had work. I got out of bed and took a shower. I was trying my best to make it quick because my brain was already going in a million directions. All I wanted was the blade. I listened to 5sos as I was taking my shower. I got out and dried of and changed into my work clothes.

I walked out the door and got into me car I drove there and got out. I worked at a local coffee shop it was a pretty good job in my opinion. I walked in and started to work. A man came in and asked for his coffee, I handed it to him. He looked at me and said, "This is not what I ordered you stupid little girl." I saw the other worker starring at me and this man. I looked at the man and said, sorry sir I will fix it. He yelled at me, "Fix it! You shouldn't even be working here, your stupid, fat, and ugly." He walked out and walked to another coffee shop down the street.

Tears started to well up in my eyes and I ran to the bathroom. I cried and cried because I knew he was right. I walked out of the stall and tried avoiding the mirror, but couldn't. I cried even harder as I saw myself, I wiped the tears away and walked back out. My co-worker came over and said, "You know he's right." With a grin on her face she walked away wiping of o table.

My shift was over soon thank God. I got my stuff and walked out to the car, I hopped in and cried gripping the steering wheel. I knew I was not going to be ok tonight so I drove to the boys house. They were not there so I just got the key hidden under the stairs and went in. I walked to Ash's room and sat on his bed, I flipped through my phone and cried as I read the messages on Twitter about me.

My thoughts raced,

Fat

Ugly

Stupid

Weak girl

Waste of space

A problem

Not good enough

A burden to everyone, my mind kept going and going. I was crying really hard by now and there was no way I was going to stop now. I played music and amnesia came on, I cried as I heard the words and I was getting worse.

I got up leaving my phone on Ash's bed and walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I cried into his mirror and grabbed one of his shirts. I slid down the wall crying, I was now stirring against the wall knees in my chest crying. I put Ash's probably sweaty and nasty shirt to my face. I cried into it smelling his familiar smell of shampoo and soaps. I felt closer to him but still was really upset and my brain kept going.

I remembered the pile of blades that Ash's had I looked on the counter and they were not there. I searched and found them, I picked one up and slid down the wall again. The words from amnesia came to me again and I sang them in my brain. I really just wanted to end it all right here right now. But I couldn't do that to Ash's and the boys and Daniela.

I starred at the blade and before I knew it I was slicing my wrist open, blood came poring out. I cut so deep and many times my arms becoming completely covered in blood. It was not enough, no matter what I did. I was starting to get dizzy from all the blood I had lost. I looked down at my thighs, I slid my jeans off and starred at my thigh for a moment and then started to carve the words "Cause I'm not fine at all," into my thigh. I starred at it even though I was dizzy and couldn't see clearly.

Suddenly I heard the front door open and shut. The boys screaming and yelling at each other obviously in a good mood. I heard Ash yell, "Mandy come down here we can all watch a movie or something baby." I heard him but I couldn't respond, he came walking into his room and came strait to the door quickly opening it. He yelled, "Mandy no!" As I blacked out and fell to the floor.

Asthton's Pov.
We got to the house and I saw Mandy's car in the drive way. We walked in and I yelled for her to come down. She didn't answer or come down so I figured she was upset and needed to talk first. I walked up the stairs and walked into my room immediately realizing that she was in the bathroom. I panicked and opened the door, never expecting to see what I saw.

I saw her lying there almost passed out but still looking at me, there was blood all over the place her wrist were cut deep and she had he jeans off with words cut into her thigh. She blacked out on the floor as I screamed no and the boys came running. Calum and Michael got to the door first and gasped as they saw her. Faking called 911 and Michael broke down to as Luke caught him and hugged him as he cried onto his shirt.

I was now craddling her bleeding body in my arms as I broke down. Baby, no, please don't leave me I cried into her neck. I kissed her cheeks and neck hoping she would wake up. She started to moan, "Ash?" I looked up at her eyes as they tried to open and cried even harder. I was so happy she woke up, I cried, I thought I had lost you, you scarred me so much. She grasped me and hugged me as tight as she could as I grabbed her and kissed her on the four head.

The ambulance got there a stitched up her cut. We promised them we would take care of her, and they let her stay with us. We watched a movie that night and Mandy and I cuddled like never before and never let each other go. We kissed each other every once and awhile and held each other so right nothing could break us apart. I was so afraid of losing her.

As we laid there I thought about the words on her thigh. Did she just write that because that what came to mind or was it the lyrics from our song. If it was why did she want to forget about everything? Did that include me? Why did she write those words? I knew she was not fine, but why those curtain words?