SplaTOON: The Bonus Content!

The Magnet for Situational Irony

Marie looked out the windows that stretched across the width of her living room, the morning sun streaming through as she sat sideways in the red velvet armchair. Her cell phone was pressed up against her ear. "Oh, Keiso?" she said. "He's still asleep in my bed. For once, I'm the one getting up early. It was a night to remember."

"You already told me that." Marie's sister, Callie's, voice came through the phone. "Are you sure you haven't been a bit...reckless?"

"Reckless?" Marie leaned forward. "You, Kara Jangoro, are calling me reckless?"

"Look, you've gotten with Keiso every night for the past week and twice as much in the last month. I'm surprised you haven't gotten pregnant yet."

"Okay, Kara, now you're just yankin' my chain. I mean, how long is the monthly cycle." Marie caught herself before she could keep talking. "Oh, wait."

"Yep."

"You know what, what's the chance I got pregnant? There's, like, a three-day sweet spot for getting pregnant. What if I skipped it?"

"You say that, but if you take a pregnancy test and it turns out positive, you owe me 500 geso."

So that's how she was going to be. "Fine, I'll take that pregnancy test, and it'll come back negative, and you'll owe me 500 geso." Marie got up and walked to the counter where her purse was sitting. She had a bet to win.

As she got her key out, she asked herself...was she really going to lock Keiso inside her house?

Of course she was.

Marie slammed her fist against the bathroom wall and yelled, "Dangit!" Now she owed 500 geso to her sister. Why did she have to be such a magnet for situational irony?

This was something she'd have to tell Keiso, wasn't it? This was serious conversation material, too, and it was 100 times harder to have a serious conversation than to tell a joke. She'd have to get creative.

She stepped out of the bathroom and used her excellent sniper aim to throw the pregnancy test at his face. What she didn't expect was him using his excellent sniper aim to catch it before it could hit him. "Hm, what's this?" he mumbled. He turned the pregnancy straight in his hand, put on his glasses and squinted. "Is this a pregnancy test? YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"

Marie jumped where she stood. This was a pregnancy test, for goshsakes! It shouldn't take getting yelled at by her boyfriend to remind her of that. What was she supposed to tell him? "I was on the phone with Kara, and she said it's been a month, so she wouldn't be surprised if it happened, and that got me thinking, and I lost a bet."

Keiso looked too surprised and confused to pay attention to what she was saying. He just said, "You know what we have to do now, right?"

Marie nodded, "Yep."

They both said, "Get married."

They got the application for the marriage license filled out, IDs attached and all. Then they got a call. It was from a clerk at city hall. "So is the marriage all squared away?" she asked.

The clerk didn't sound that certain. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. This ID you attached for Keiso Hozawa says he's 16."

Sixteen! Dangit! Sixteen's too young to get married, but the kid's parents had to be married. She was stuck at an impasse. She'd just have to say the first thing that popped into her head. "Well, if we're not married, who's supposed to raise the baby?"

The police took that as a confession. The next thing the two knew, they were in a courthouse with just a judge and no jury. This felt kind of unfair.

"Miss Atakara," the judge said from atop his bench, "did you not know that having a child with a sixteen-year-old was illegal?"