RAVI (formerly Indie-America)

35

(((Edited•)))

The movie is over by 4:50 but none of us are quite ready to leave.
"This was fun." Ronnie whispers. Her breath reeks of something between Chardonnay and ice cream and it almost makes me choke. I wonder if mine smells the same way too.

We're lying on the bare grass now, me in the middle of Ted and Ronnie. I'm just trying to take in all the good vibes right now but Ronnie is intent on bringing up an awkward conversation.

"Does Luca know... about your birthday?" She asks and I take some moments to answer. Of course I'm not trying to remember if I mistakenly brought it up, I've taken extra care never to mention Rohan or my birthday problems to Luca.

"Not yet." I finally say and she shifts uncomfortably.

"Why not?"

I sigh, regardless of how good we've been so far I don't want Teddy hearing about the imperfections in mine and Luca's relationship. Fake as it is, I'm not sure Luca would like that. I try to telepathically tell Ronnie this but she doesn't even budge.

"Helloooo? Earth to Ravi?" She raises her hand and uses it to block my perfect view of the blue turning pink sky so that I have to swat it away.

"I'm right here dummy." I roll my eyes and sit up. Teddy's eyes are lowered a bit but I can tell from his breathing that he's very much awake and aware.

"So tell me then." She sits up to and crosses her legs.

To stall, I grab the secret pack of chips I had stacked in my bag pack and slowly start chewing them while searching for the right words to say.

"I'm not ready to talk about it. It's exasperating, watching the look on people's faces when they're trying not to show pity even if that's exactly what they're feeling." I spit out and wait for Ronnie to say something but she just sits still. A sign for me to go on.

"And I really don't want to experience that with Luca. Plus is it really necessary?"

"I'm pretty sure a person who doesn't know his or her partner's Bday is a whim. Is Luca a whim?" She gives me a look.

"No of course not. He's the best boyfriend any girl could ask for, he would go the extra mile if he knew my birthday."

"He would." She solemnly agreees.

"To be honest I'm just not ready for The Talk. Cause I can't tell him without not having the talk." I make a 'duh' face and Ronnie nods slowly.

"Well... do it before any of your family members decide to do it for you." Her tone is dry and she lies back on the grass immediately she says it, closing the door to further comment. I don't know why but her words stick to my head.

What if they do decide to do it for me?

***
"This was really nice." I tell Ted as he pulls over in front of my house. He smiles modestly and unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door to come down. I take that as my cue and do the same.

"I'm glad we could do something interesting for you this year. I know it must be harder to deal with it now more than ever." His voice is lower and his hands are shoved in his pocket. We avoid eye contact like we usually do whenever we're talking about Rohan.

"Yes. I try but I can't seem to push away the look on his face when we daydreamed about our 18th birthday." I look at my large house just for a distraction and note that the lights in my room are on. Someone's making a call in my room.

"He wanted to take his first sip of alcohol then." Teddy says casually and I raise my brow.

"Hence the Chardonnay." It's not a question. I kinda knew from the moment I saw the bottle.

"Hence the Chardonnay." He chuckles, following my line of sight.
"I've really missed him."
The rawness of his voice draws my eyes to his and if not for the bright street lights reflecting on his blue eyes, I probably would never have known that he was crying.

I wonder how many other times I missed this.

"Oh my God Ted you're crying." The words slip through my mouth before I can even stop them. I have known Teddy all my life but I've only ever seen him cry once. The night of Rohan's death. I cried 4 weeks straight and I never saw him cry after that night, in retrospect, I guess he was too busy holding me up.

He grunts and wipes the single tear away and blinks rapidly. I reach to touch his arm and try to come up with the most sensible thing I can but I can't think of anything. I've been so busy being consoled I don't remember ever consoling anyone.
But I have to try. For Teddy.

"I know you miss him a lot. And I'm not going to ask you to stop crying. Because whenever I cry about it I can almost feel him beside me, telling me it's alright." I squeeze his arm tighter and he looks at me, a small smile playing on his face.

"You do? I do too." His chuckle makes me chuckle and soon we're two teens crying and laughing in front of a black Jeep in the late evening.

"I love that we can still do this," Teddy says after a long sigh.
"I do too. You're a bonehead but still quite precious."
He ruffles my hair and rests his hand casually on my shoulder.

"If Luca saw us now I would be a dead man." He says.

"You would." I solemnly agree with a nod of my head. We laugh but it soon dies because I'm seriously considering telling him everything. That what Luca and I have is fake. That it was a bet. That I don't like him that way.

But the more (or less¿) sensible part of my brain knows that if I did the truce we've made would be short lived. And I can't exactly gauge Teddy's reaction to that kind of news. I also have a hunch that something else would happen if he knew I wasn't really dating Luca. Plus...and this is the one which freaked me out the most, I'm not sure if I do not like like Luca.

In fact, I'm really starting to think I do.

"Ohk so I've gotta go now." I say and break our semi hug before I make a stupid mistake and say something daft.

"Yeah. You should rest." He hugs he fully one last time before he lets me go.

  When I walk in the house the first person I see is Amara and for some reason Ronnie's voice replays in my head:

Do it before any of your family members decide to do it for you.