Prom Motivation: Komahina

I Love You: Chapter 5

I stopped putting pictures in, sorry

       

   I heard the door open again, and I turned around to see Chiaki. She looked beautiful. Her hair was up in a little bun, with a flower sticking out of it. She was wearing that kind of dress that is long in the back and short in the front. It was pale pink and had a nice ribbon with a big bow tied in the back. Sonia walked over to her and they hooked their arms together. I barely recognized Sonia, for she was wearing a suit. It was also a pale pink, with a matching pink bow tie. Her hair was in a high ponytail, tied with a pink ribbon. I had to admit, they looked pretty good together.

          I heard the door open once more and turned around to see Nagito. He was wearing a white suit with a green tie, matching mine.. His hair looked neater, maybe because it was pulled back in a small ponytail. I don't know why, but my stomach felt weird. No, I do know why. I just don't want to admit it. I knew that I thought he looked good, I know that I lo-

"Hey Hajime, are you ok-?"

"GAH!" I yelled, where did he come from? "Whoa there, are you okay?" He asked me, again.

"Oh um, yeah, why?" I said, knowing how red my face was. I'm glad it's dark.

"It's just that you were staring at me for a long time, I wanted to know if something was wrong." Shit. "Oh, hehe, yeah. I was just lost in thought is all." I said, embarrassed as ever. Nagito leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Want me to get you some punch?" He asked me. He's close.

"Oh um, sure." I answered turning my head away from him, he's so close. He chuckled and walked away. "Be right back, Hajime!" He called.

          Glad that's over. Or am I? God! I need to stop thinking about that. I can't love him. But I do. Why do I? I walk over to a chair and sit down, putting my head in my hands. Do I need help? I mean, he's crazy. If I love him, does that make me crazy? What's right and what's wrong? Am I making the wrong decision? Or am I making the right decision?

"Hajime, you're doing it again." I took a deep breath, and brought my head out of my hands to look at Nagito. "Yeah I know, sorry." I said.

"Here's your punch." Nagito handed me a plastic cup with the punch inside.

I took a sip and Nagito sat down next to me. I set my cup down on the floor under my chair so no one would kick it.

"Hajime, calm down. This is supposed to be a party, so please, have fun. You deserve it." Nagito said in a calm, soothing voice. I know it's a party, but I'm scared. Scared of my own feelings. I felt Nagito grab my hand. He stood up and dragged me to the dance floor. He let go of my hand and I saw him walk up to the DJ booth where Monomi was. He said something and walked back over to me.

"Okay everyone! Grab your partner, it's slow dance time!" Monomi shouted.

          Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I'm not ready. But Nagito grabbed my waist, and I slowly put my arms around his neck. I was shaking, and we both knew it.

"Hey, look in my eyes. It'll be okay." He said. He was so nice sometimes. And so calm. I looked at him. And I cried. He pulled me closer and tried to calm me down.

"Listen, it'll be okay. I'm here, don't be scared Hajime, please. This should be fun. I don't want to force you though. So if you want to go back to your cottage, you can go. You can go alone, or I can go with you. Whatever you want, I will accept. But please, tell me, what's making you feel like this?" Nagito asked.

          I could tell he was crying now too. I feel comfortable enough to tell him. So I will. I looked up at him and started talking while my tears choked me.

"Nagito, I love you, and I'm horrified. I don't want to hurt you. But I don't know if this is the right thing, for either of us. I want you to feel safe and happy. And I don't know if I'm the right person to make you feel that way." I choked back tears that were still streaming down my face. "I'm so sorry." I cried more into his chest.

"I want to figure out the right answer. Someone, please, tell me. I'm scared. I'm scared to love. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to hurt someone. Is there any way that that won't happen?" I realized I was thinking out loud.

"I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that whatever you think is the best, for both of us, is fine by me. If you don't ever want to see me again, that's fine. If you want to stay by my side for the rest of your life, that's fine too. Because I love you too, Hajime. I love you so much that I don't have any more love to go around. I love you so unconditionally, that I don't think it's healthy."

          I look up at him and stare. He keeps talking. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in this terrible, terrible world. But if you don't want to be with me, because you don't feel safe. That is okay. As long as you are happy, I am happy. And seeing you sad right now, is making me sad. But please, don't force yourself to be happy just because you want me to be happy, everyone gets sad. It's not wrong to feel emotions."

          I love you too, I love you so much, Nagito, it hurts. I need to tell you that.

"Nagito, thank you. Thank you so much. You have helped me so much. And I don't care what you've done in the past, because it's okay now. I forgive you, you hear me? I forgive you." I said hugging him, not tightly, but firm.

"Thank you, too, Hajime. You don't know how long I've waited for you to find me. So please, don't leave me again. I love you." Nagito said, hugging me back. I wouldn't say we were dancing anymore, we were just rocking each other back and forth. 

I just realized how long this is, sorry 'bout that, welp