Meant To Be (Loki x reader)

Chapter eighty one - Acceptance

A/N: two more chapters because this one is also kinda short;) 

...

One month later

It had been exactly five months since you'd lost Loki. Things were finally, finally, getting better.

After Bruce had left in an attempt to try and 'cure' himself of Hulk, you and Nat had pulled together to keep each other's morale's high; you suspected that in helping one another you'd actually been helping yourselves. You worked tirelessly, having double the workload as before with only two of you, and thus tired yourselves out so much that you actually started sleeping at night again.

Sometimes you woke up reaching for Loki, and then had to fight the urge to go and sit on top of another skyscraper. You cried now, almost every night, but you recognised it as a good thing. Bottling your grief up had done nothing but prolong the process.

You'd visited Tony and Pepper at their place in Georgia for a weekend; it was gorgeous there. Seeing Tony so happy, instead of hurting you, made your heart mend a little more. He had pictures of him with both you and Peter in the kitchen.

He taught you how to fish on the lake in a tiny boat, and you sat out together late into the night next to a crackling fire under the stars, talking about the days you'd spent up there in the sky on that spaceship.

When you returned to the compound the chasm in your chest was a significant amount smaller. You told Nat that you were going to visit Thor in Norway.

And you did. You flew over two days later and hitched a ride down into 'New Asgard'. It wasn't a patch on the Asgard you knew and loved, but it was home for all of the Asgardians that remained, and that was what mattered.

You cried again when you saw Thor, it had been four long, horrible months since you'd last hugged him. While you appeared to be on the mend, Thor seemed to be getting worse. You could see why, the place they'd chosen to set up camp wasn't exactly awe-inspiring.

Valkyrie had been over the moon to see you, as had Korg, although you weren't sure why seeing as you'd spent a total of about twenty minutes with him on Sakaar. Seeing yourself through their minds had been a shock. You looked like a different person.

Sif had hugged you long and hard when she'd seen you; you'd both cried. She'd apologised for being so harsh to you, and you told her not to be stupid. Her forgiveness lifted a weight you didn't even know you'd been carrying from your shoulders.

She took you to the graveyard, where you sat and talked to Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun. You couldn't decide if you wished they were here or not.

Thor and Valkyrie gave you the tour, and then it started to rain so you went inside what was apparently the grandest building in New Asgard. It wasn't overly grand. It didn't have a throne room, for one; it didn't even have two bathrooms, and the one bathroom it did have looked as though it might have a few mice living in it.

You had some warm soup which was actually quite nice, and then showed them the router you'd bought to set up some Wi-Fi so that you didn't have to carry on sending letters by crow. That took the best part of an entire day, and then there was the problem of actually getting them to understand how to use a phone.

Valkyrie left as it began to get dark, but you stayed up with Thor all night talking about everything. Mostly Loki. You'd brought some pictures from the Tower to show him; he wanted to keep some.

"Do you still have the lock of hair I gave you?" he asked. You lifted your hair to show him that you'd braided it into your own and he nodded sadly.

"It's all I have, apart from this." you told him, twisting Frigga's ring around your finger. Thor sniffed loudly; you didn't look at him, pretending not to know that he was crying.

"I don't think I can wear it anymore." you admitted, your voice cracking.

"I- it's fine you take it off Y/N. It must be... painful." Thor told you firmly, but kindly, his voice thick with emotion. You nodded running your finger over the top of the ring.

"I miss him so much." you whispered, aware suddenly as the words left your lips that that was the first time you'd said it aloud since you'd lost him. Tears filled your eyes as Thor put his arm around you and you leaned into him.

"I know. Me too." he replied softly.

"And I miss Asgard. So much. I feel as though this wouldn't be so hard if we could just go home." you were crying in earnest now, letting the void open wide.

"I know, I know." Thor murmured soothingly, holding you until you stopped crying. The void started to close again when you were done, closing a bit further than it usually did, as was the case every time you cried at the moment. You were beginning to have some control over it.

"I want a new sword." you told Thor, when you were both done crying. Thor chuckled.

"We'll get you a new sword."

When you returned to the compound again, the void was smaller again. You didn't miss Loki any less; you still sobbed some nights because you thought you were forgetting what he sounded like, but you were beginning to cope.

You now knew that he was gone, for real. You knew that life was still going on, and that you had to as well.

Three nights after you returned from Norway you took Frigga's ring off. The previous day you'd gone to a jewellery store and bought a tiny silver necklace with nothing on it; the store owner had taken one look at the ring on your finger and told you that a lot of women who had lost their husbands and fiancés had been doing the same thing. You couldn't decide whether this made you feel better or worse.

Taking the ring off felt odd, but putting it on to the necklace and putting it around your neck didn't. After almost half a year of wearing it on your finger you knew that it would take some getting used to.

Like the balance of your new sword, and the feel of Loki's hair in yours, and the scar that now ran down the left side of your face.

But that was okay. You could do it.

You had to.