Meant To Be (Loki x reader)

Chapter twenty nine - In which you receive an invitation

Author's note: Hey guys!  I have a weird question for y'all: how do we feel about smut? I know people will have mixed opinions, and I'm not gonna be writing anything massively explicit  but I've reached a point in the story where I feel like I can't really ignore it for much longer ahh. Just wondered what your opinions were about it, obviously we're all imagining Y/N differently but for me she's like 18/19 but if there are any underage readers that kinda makes me want to boycott any smut XD I posted this on AO3 and the general reply was yes to smut, but wanted to ask you guys tooo. Let me know, I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

...

Loki didn't go back to sleep. He was too busy thinking.

You knew.

You had known from the very start what he was, and yet... it didn't seem to bother you.

Perhaps it was sympathy. Or maybe you didn't understand what it actually meant to be a Frost Giant. You didn't know that this wasn't what he really looked like... or did you? How much had Thor told you? Did you know that he wasn't even a proper Frost Giant, cast out because he couldn't even be good at the one thing he actually was? He didn't know whether to be furious or grateful that his brother had told you so much; if he hadn't told you about it at the very start would things be different now?

It was getting light outside now; the clock on the wall read five past seven. You were still asleep in the chair, breathing evenly curled underneath the blanket you'd stolen from the other bed. Loki had been awake for just over five hours. He'd slept more in the past day than he had in the past year, not needing to sleep apart from to recharge his magic or when he was healing. In last night's case he'd needed both, which is why he'd slept for so long. He was still healing, but he didn't need any more sleep, just rest. He'd thought about using his magic to speed up the healing process, but knew that that wouldn't be a good idea so soon after being badly injured. So he sat. And waited.

He'd had had a lot of time to think in the last five hours, listening to the sounds of the city. 'The city that never sleeps', that's what you'd told him Midgardians called New York. He'd had enough sleepless nights since getting here to know that that was an apt title, there was never a moment of complete silence, even in the dead of night. This contrasted drastically to the cell he'd come from on Asgard, where there was rarely a moment which wasn't silent. He'd decided that he preferred the noise to silence.

Truthfully, these thoughts had only been present to stop him from thinking about what he should be thinking about. Why hadn't he told you how he felt. Just yesterday he would've given his right arm to have you know about his feelings for you, but then the moment actually presented itself and what had he said? Nothing. He'd just sat there, internally yelling at himself: tell her! Just tell her! Ultimately, the fear of rejection outweighed his need to tell you how he felt. He was a coward.

You shifted slightly in the chair, frowning in your sleep and exhaling as you settled into what must have been a more comfortable position. You'd been doing that a lot through the night; that chair wasn't a comfy place to sleep. Loki tried not to stare. He'd been trying not to all night, realising that it was odd to be watching you sleep... but he'd failed more than once, resigning himself to just watching you as you dreamed. Once you had even muttered something indistinguishable and smiled faintly, leaving Loki to guess what you'd said which had been so funny.

He was watching now as you moved in your sleep, wondering how long it would be until you woke up. You hadn't tried to talk about how he'd been shot earlier, which meant that you must have thought it had been an accident. As if he would ever let that happen by accident.

It was a while before Loki noticed that he was being watched, and when caught sight of Thor out the corner of his eye he almost startled. But not quite. The illusion was back up in an instant, without him even having to think about it. Scars covered. Vulnerabilities hidden. Just like always.