Let Me In ( Anne with an E fanfic)

Chapter 9

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5oWgi9eMJYbkLuLyYWvse9?si=bMizDfDLQtuvxKgeYQwc3g

She wanted to go home, only she didn't know what that was anymore. The world as she knew it wasn't anymore and she certainly didn't know what to do with the new one. She longed to be able to forgive Gil, because she could see the truth in what Mary and Jerry, but above all, her heart, told her. But she was so scared and did not know how to look at him and not see Winifred and the void he had left when he didn't appear at Matthew's funeral and the rest of the tragedies of her life.

What bothered her the most about seeing Winifred in him was that she wasn't even able to say he had cheated on her; they had never been together. The most she could say was that he'd had sex with Winifred in their special places and, much as it pained her to say, they were also his. To this day, she had no idea how his kisses were. How he expressed his passion. What it felt like to be loved by him. And it ashamed her to say she still wanted to know that, even after all these years. Even more now that she had seen how he ended growing up and maturing. The look of him in the towel that morning, ugh.

**Anne S-C (21:18): I hate you ☹

**Cole (21:23): l don't think you hate me. Plus, you're living your best life now. 😘

**Anne S-C (21:25): It's not my best life, Cole. I'm unemployed, homeless and I don't even know what to do with my life. I feel trapped. I don't know what to do with him. We had a huge fight and I ran away until Jerry of all people told me to come back here. And I actually paid him attention.

**Cole (21:26): You are not homeless, as he clearly has no problem receiving you for the time being. You are unemployed, yes, but you hated your job anyway and wanted time to write your book. So write! Look at this thing as an opportunity. And what is it about that fight and Jerry?

**Anne S-C (21:27): After that damn call the gang set up because of you, he wanted to talk about us, what was happening... ugh, I don't even want to repeat it. We said some things we should have said long ago, we both yelled, I stormed off and Jerry steals Diana's phone and gets all older brother on me.

**Cole (21:27): Gilbert Blythe yelled?!

**Anne S-C (21:27): I'm telling you! Huge fight! When have you seen Gilbert Blythe yell?

**Cole (21:27): But everything's better now? Got out your frustrations and will be able to carry on with life?

**Anne S-C (21:27): Maybe if I follow Mary's and Jerry's advice. Ugh. Bad night, Cole. Bad day in general. From the moment I woke up at three in the morning until now, everything has been just so hard.

**Cole (21:28): Want to talk about it? I can call you. I'm next to Roy, so if you're up to two gay men cheering you up, by all means.

"Hey," she said in a low voice, putting on her earphones and watching her dear friends all cuddled up on a sofa, the phone probably propped in the knees of one of them. She still wasn't sure, but she felt everything could be heard on the other side of the walls of the apartment.

"My darling Anne! What happened?" asked Roy in his usual tone, worry darkening his eyes even more than usual. She sighed.

"Everything? Name one thing that could happen to me while living with Gilbert and you're probably right. No sex, mind you, I have enough with Charlie's tactless jokes. I just want to know what to do, really. And I know it's not your place to tell me. But if you have any advice that doesn't involve forgiveness, communication and letting go, I'm all ears because I've heard enough of those already and I do know they'd work, if I were to go down one path. I'm just not sure which one to go down on," she said, getting up and going to the window. It was dusk, now.