Let Me In ( Anne with an E fanfic)

Chapter 35

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/40l5N8hsY6IHLvUhZVt5Sz?si=dLWKLc4TTT6fSPHumCneTg

Saturday morning, as they had breakfast, Gilbert drank his coffee silently as he watched Anne. She seemed pensive, and had been for all of the previous evening, but she'd had a relatively good night sleep with no nightmares that he was aware of. He had been the one to wake every couple of hours to check on her, just to make sure she was sleeping fine, and had found her peaceful and relaxed face every time.

"What, Gil?" Anne finally asked. His stare was putting her on her nerves.

"I'm just concerned about you," he confessed.

"What, about yesterday?"

"You've been quiet... Pensive... You can talk to me, you know?" he offered gently. He would never pressure her, but sometimes talking helped. She let out a long sigh and he gave her time, drinking some more coffee and looking out to the sunny morning.

"I do, Gil," she finally conceded. Because she knew that, but she was still reluctant. Gilbert was too close to the matter for her to talk about it in too many details. Or... maybe not? She had been able to talk with him about everything. This shouldn't be any different. She bit her lip, considering for a moment what she should tell him. If she should tell him anything, that is. "I've just been thinking about everything we talked about yesterday. What it actually means to me," she finally said in a quiet tone.

"What do you mean what it means to you?" he asked.

"It's... I don't know how to explain it, Gil. But I did get your point yesterday. And Jerry's. And Diana's. Rationally, I understand that. But it's like my mind is having a hard time to reconcile all that with my experiences... With how I got caught up in that. How did I allow it, and the meaning of allowing it, you know?" she explained, correcting her voice as she felt it turn shaky.

"I would suggest that you're kind with yourself, Anne-girl. I can't possibly imagine going through what you did, so for all I want, I can't relate. But you're no longer in the same position as you were when you were seventeen with a newly broken heart," he said, still feeling guilty about that. It must have shown some in his expression, because Anne extended her hand to hold his. She didn't want him to feel bad about this business, because really, it wasn't his fault. It went way before that. "No... Don't make this about me, dear. I did that, and I will regret it my whole life, but it is what it is. I'll just do everything I can to make it better. I'm still afraid I inadvertently sent you down that road."

"You didn't," Anne said softly, shaking her head. He wasn't innocent, the same as she wasn't. But he wasn't guilty about her getting caught up in an abusive relationship. Not really. Gilbert looked at her, frowning. She took a deep breath before explaining, as he looked confused. "I've been thinking hard about all this since yesterday, Gil. Trying to ask myself the questions what Patel would, going over what we have talked, trying to see... what he would say," she explained. Because she had been doing that since they had gotten to the apartment the previous evening, after hanging up with Diana. She had done some yoga to give time for her mind to calm down, and had thought. And journaled. And meditated a bit. Gilbert had been around, but hadn't interfered. He waited patiently for her to continue. "And yes, our fight I'm sure has many things to do with what happened next, but it wouldn't have affected me nearly as much if I had a healthy mental health by then. So it wasn't really you. More likely, it was the orphanage and the foster homes who set the foundation upon which all this happened. You actually helped me a lot back when we were teens... Which is why I could keep afloat. But don't blame yourself for this, because I really don't and it doesn't make sense. So I understand... Kind of understand where it came from. But I remember, back when we were teens... I fought so hard about injustices, about sexism... Remember the editorial?"