My Dear Melancholy (Daveed Diggs x reader)

Denial

you woke up, for a moment you thought it had all been a scary dream. "that didn't happen," you shook your head, for some reason you felt fine.

what is wrong with me?

you rolled out of bed and didn't even notice daveed cooking in the kitchen, he had called your boss for you and also took some time off.

"hey-" he turned around to see you walk into the door. he quickly went after you, he probably thought you were just going to run away but there you were. sitting on the front step.

clyde snuck out a rested his head on your lap, daveed sat next to you.

"we never gets birds, that's new." you look up to your tree, the days were only getting hotter.

"they sound very nice." daveed rested back against his hands.

DAVEED'S POV

shouldn't she be crying right now? does she think her dad didn't die?

i look over at her and she's just staring at the birds, "i'm gonna bring breakfast out here." i said and got up, "what the fuck?" i whisper as i plate the bacon and eggs.

i'm not sure how grief works, i think i just realized. or maybe i've been taught wrong. i've only ever lost a fish when i was seven, it just died randomly and i didn't really cry because it was a fish, not a father.

i think i have to tell her, how does that work? do remember last night where you sobbed in my arms for three hours, we watched the sunrise because we sat by my car all night as you almost passed other from lack of energy because your dad died?

"this is good." (y/n) says normally, is she losing her mind?

"okay, i'm sorry..." i put my plate down, "do you not remember what happened hours ago?" i took her hands.

"ya," she shrugged.

"...okay, just making sure..." i look forward and started eating again, she's lost her mind.

"i don't know why i can't feel it," she said.

"hm?" i had just taken a huge bite of my egg.

"i'm aware my dad is dead, i-...i just don't feel it." she finished her food, "i want to feel it."

"i bet it will come, you wanna get a therapist for your journey?" i rub her back.

"journey? am i climbing everest?" she laughed, laughed. she's laughing. after her father passed away. she's making jokes. and laughing. she's crazy.

her phone started to ring, it was her mom. (y/n) picked up and put it on speaker.

"hey," she said.

"hi hun," her mother seemed to understand her husband passed away, she sounded sad.

"what's up?" (y/n) leaned against me.

"there is will stuff and funeral stuff we need to talk a about, can you go to the courthouse?"

"i can't leave my house, i'm still high risk." (y/n) said, she muttered something under her breath.

"so am i, but i'm still going, because i care." there was anger in her tone.

"are you kidding? you think i don't care? i care more then you by not leaving, and not ending up like dad-!" she yelled.

"you better watch it." she snapped, "your still angry about that DNR, i get it-"

"don't put words in mouth just because i don't want to end up dead!"

i sat there stunned, at least she's aware leslie is dead. then her mother hung up, then there was a text.

mom❤️: come to the courthouse or i'll drag you there.

"what a fucking cunt." (y/n) growled.

"hey, don't talk down about your mom." i brought her into a hug, "are you gonna go to the house?"

"i guess."

i watched (y/n) leave the house, something is wrong. this isn't normal, i'm don't know much about grief but i do know that there are stages.

google: sevev stages of grief

"huh, only five." i hit the first website, as i skimmed and read and then throughly dug through the article i couldn't help but realize (y/n) was in denial.

she got home later and chose to sleep over, she walked in and sat beside me.

"how'd it go?" i offered her my snack, she took some.

"meh, boring stuff, pretty sure i get some of my dads retirement fund and he said he wanted to be buried, i hated talking about it though." she stuffed her face, i liked those chips.

"why?" i put the bowl on the other side and pulled her in my lap, she went for a hug and kept her face on my shoulder.

"everything was said in past tense. like, they were writing the eulogy and they were saying he was a smart man and used to be a writer, like say is." i could tell she was rolling her eyes.

"(y/n), you know they kinda have to write it that way, you do know he's-"

"yes, i fucking know he's dead, daveed. thanks for telling me again," she sat up and looked at me, all i'm doing is trying to help, and now im only making her worse "...ohhhhh." she saw me tear up, "no no no! i'm sorry i didn't mean it!" she quickly went for a hug and i squeezed her back, "thank you for everything, i'm sorry."

i sniffled and dug my face into her shoulder, "i'm gonna really try to do my best, i'm not good at this kinda thing." i pull away and kiss her.

"and i'm gonna take it all, i'm so sorry, come here." she kissed my cheek before hugging me again, "i won't snap at you again, that was mean."

i rubbed her back and after tons of apologizing and tons of (y/n) saying she'd never snap again she was asleep on my chest.

i need to figure out how to help her, or this is gonna tear us apart.