My Dear Melancholy (Daveed Diggs x reader)

Anger

YOUR POV

it had been about a four days, four awful and terrible days. daveed was the greatest, he was tucking you into bed and giving you cuddles and just being the best boyfriend in the entire world.

"i'm sorry, boss." you shook your head, "i know work is tight and i'm still trying but this isn't the ideal work environment for me, i'm taking care of my mom," who you've apologized to, "and i need to take care of myself."

"i get that, but you need to work. take a couple mental health days every once and while but you aren't going on paid leave." they snarled.

"sorry, noted. good bye." you hung up, asshole.

sunshine: i  l o v e  y o u

diggy: love you

"what?" you said out loud, clyde looked up. "he just said love you not i love you, do you think i pissed him off, i mean, i'm probably losing my mind because i haven't cried yet- aaaand i'm talking to my dog. let's go for a walk." clyde jumped and barked.

you took him out and enjoyed the fresh air, it wasn't as good as you thought because you still had your mask on, but it was enough.

on your way back you couldn't help but think about daveed's text, there was a chance he was in the middle of something and quickly shot you a text back or he didn't actually love you.

you walked right into your house and glanced at the clock, you had a doctors appointment, you really didn't want to go.

so you didn't.

instead you took a puff of your puffer and found workout clothes, you were going for a run.

you kept a mask in hand just in case you ran by people but other then that, you looked normal. daveed had told you his route for his runs and he takes them through a cemetery, it's safe to say you weren't going to take his route.

as you began to run you felt the sun but your face, it was a nice feeling. you couldn't remember the last time you worked out.

you didn't have a watch or a timer so this was purely for running without it stopping, you turned corners and ran on the street as few cars passed you by, there was some people who looked like they do this everyday passing you on the other side of the road.

you saw a man running toward you so you quickly slipped the mask on and kept your pace, after three seconds you had to rip it off, he had passed you but you would have liked to leave it on for longer.

with the mask messing up your already terrible breathing you found yourself gasping for air as you turned and corner again.

your chest started to hurt a bit, the feeling of compression. you looked down to see your feeling clipping one another, you tried to focus on not falling.

you turned on the street of your house, you had paused your music and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

as turned up to your house and reached for the door, as you opened it you fell to the floor, trying to get some type of air in your lungs.

your nose and chest hurt, almost stung. you were coughing and slowly starting to loose your senses.

you crawled in and kicked your door closed, you flipped to your back and started at you ceiling.

pathetic.

you tried to keep it all in but it failed, you stood up and ripped your headphones out. they fell to the floor when all you wanted was to put them back into the container.

"you worthless piece of shit!" you stomp on one, "great, now i don't have headphones!"

clyde slowly approached you but turned to the window, he patted his paw on your window and his claws made a soft scratching sound, he also started barking.

you paced in the kitchen, trying your best not to throw a fit because you weren't ten, you could deal with emotions properly.

all of a sudden daveed walked in, "clyde was tapping on the glass, are you okay?" he asked, you back was to him.

"no, daveed. i'm not okay." you whisper.

"you go for a run?" he asked, "good on you, babe."

you chewed your bottom lip and shook your head, "no, not good in me. nothing is good, daveed." you turned to face him, "i try to run and have to put on my mask, i also almost fainted because my lungs are shit. i stomped on my headphones, now they are broken. my boss is telling me to basically grieve faster, i texted you saying 'i love you' and all i got was 'love you'. nothing is good, nothing!" you yell, daveed seems taken back.

"okay," he said calmly, "next time i'll text saying i love you, i see that means a lot to you." his hands reached out, "and ya, running for the first time in a while is hard, not to mention the mask thing." daveed slowly took your hands, "you wanna rant about anything else?"

"i didn't go to my doctors..." you whisper.

"honey, why?" he said sadly, "why?"

"i don't know!" you look up at him, "i know, i don't take care of myself and i'm annoying and you probably didn't sign up for this, you started dating me when everything was great, now it's shit!"

"what are you saying?" daveed tilted his head, "are you giving me an out right now?"

"ya, yes. you didn't sign up for this and it's not your job to-to figure my life out, i'm giving you an out." you dropped his hands.

"no, never. i'd never do that, and i knew there was a possibility your father was going to pass. i was around when they first went into hospital, when your mother got better, when your dad got worse, when you dad said he was prepared for death, i was there for all of it." daveed looked you deep in the eyes.

"prepared for death?" your breathing quickened, "did you know about this stupid DNR?"

"no, when i met him on the phone he said that and i didn't know what he meant at all." daveed shook his head.

"you knew..." you backed away.

"listen to me, i didn't know, i thought preparing for death just met that he was at peace with himself, i would have told you. believe me." daveed inched closer.

"you kept that from me?"

"(y/n), why would i tell you that? that wasn't something you needed to hear then."

"i don't care! you should have told me he signed that piece of paper!"

"listen to me, i didn't-"

"SHUT UP!" you leaned forward and yelled.

daveed backed away, his hands up and a shocked looked at his face. "you're making this out look real nice right about now." daveed's nostrils flared.

"then fucking take it!"

"you know what else your father told me when i talked to him?" daveed remembered, "made me promise i'd be there for you, this pain will fade, this hurt will go away, and i'm gonna be there. i'm gonna be strong when you can't, because i love you. it would be so much easier to just leave right now, but i'm not going to. you know why?"

"why?" you feel guilt pool in your stomach.

"because i know this isn't you, this is anger, this is grief. this isn't you," he repeated, "this isn't you," his arms opened up and you slowly moved forward, "this isn't you."

you fell into his embrace and stayed there, "i haven't cried yet," you whispered.

"and that's okay," daveed looked down and you looked up, "that's normal."

"i'm sorry i said that, i shouldn't have told you to shut up, or to tell you to leave." you jump and wrapped your legs around his waist.

daveed rests his head on your shoulder, "it wasn't you who said that, it was anger."