Homophobia To Heaven (Complete)

3

~Asahi's pov~ (TW thoughts and talking about Suicide/ self harm)
It's the middle of the night,you should go to sleep. I think to myself as I lay staring at the ceiling with Nishinoya resting his head on my chest and draping his arms over me. I couldn't sleep. Was too busy thinking. Thinking of what my best friend and boyfriend have been through. Thinking about what it was like. Thinking about what happened to them. Thinking about how it feel. Thinking about what I was do if I was in that situation. You have practice in the morning and if you seem off everyone will fuss over you like the baby you are, you wouldn't want that. If you just kill yourself then no one will have to fuss over you. I tense up when I think that to myself. I haven't had thoughts like that since I moved in with my grandmother. Why were they coming back? Was it because I'm worried about my friends? Well whatever it's about can't be a good thing.
I push the thoughts out of my head and attempt to go to sleep but failing miserably. I sigh and sit up as slowly was possible so I don't wake the small boy in my arms. I hear a quiet chuckle and look over to see Sugawara sat on the floor against the wall looking at me over his phone, "what are you doing up, Suga?" I ask quietly walking over and sitting next to him. "Couldn't sleep, and the same thing with you I'm guessing" he reply's I nod slowly and look over at his phone to see him looking at photos form years ago. Truth is me and the silver haired mail actually dated each other for about a year before realising that we would be better as friends, which we are and I'm glad. He looks up at me and I smile in response. He rests his head on my shoulder  and sighs, "we haven't been talking as much lately.... I guess I started missing you, so I've looking at these for ages, just staring at them. Asahi...I kinda miss those days ya know..." the smaller boy speaks after noticing I was looking at his phone, whispering the last part just loud enough for me to hear. Not the other boys where heavy sleepers as far as we know so it didn't really matter if we made that much noise, " I know Suga, me too, but we know that didn't work out. Plus you have Sawamura and I have Yuu, we both know they would literally murder us if we told them we where leaving them for each other." I reply looking at him with a soft smile on my face, it was true, we didn't work out but we still miss each other in that way but just never talk about it, at least not when anyone else was listening. He looks away and switches off his phone. We sit in a sort of uncomfortable silence before the setter speaks up, "what were you mumbling about before? When you were laying down? You were mumbling about something, you don't do that much, are you alright?" Was I really mumbling before? "Oh, it's nothing I was just....trying to think of a way to cheer you and Noya up after what happened....?" I say not sounding very convincing, like not at all, I'm not good at lying. "Yea right!" The smaller teen whisper-shouts, "You, Asahi, are so fricking bad at lying. Tell me what you were thinking about, please, you only lye when you're trying to hide something" god he knows me too well. Oh look at that, you're getting treated like a baby! If you tell him he'll baby you even more, now you wouldn't want that would you? If you just disappeared then he wouldn't have to baby you. Why don't you just disappear? Why am I thinking these things?!?! "Suga.... they're back. Those thoughts I had before I moved in with my grandma" As soon as I say this I feel something grab my arm and lift my sleeve, and then doing the same with the other.

~Sugamama's pov~
When I hear those words come out of my best friends' mouth I instantly go to check his wrists for any sign of resent self harm. I was easily let check his left wrist and found nothing but when I came to lift his right sleeve he sort of tenses. This makes me lifts his sleeve (I've typed that too many times please help me) faster revealing a batch of fresh cuts. I count them to find about 15 in total. When I look up at the taller boys face I see tears threatening to fall from his eyes, "I-I can explain" he stutters out. I've only ever seen him like this once before. I kneel in front of him and cup his face with my hand as the tears start to spill, "No,no you don't have to. Just let it out Asahi, it's alright to cry" I say to him softly, attempting to reassure him that I would never judge him. I hear something shift on the other side of the room. Hoping we hadn't woken anyone I turn my head to look for any sign of the two boys we had left sleeping being awake. That's when I saw Daichi sitting up, looking over at us with a tired and confused look on his face. Hoping he hadn't gotten the wrong idea I turn back to the crying male in-front of me trying hard to soothe him and stop the tears rolling down his face. I felt something on my shoulder and I look up from the Jesus man(😏) and see the captain bent down next to me with a hand in my shoulder. I shoot him a small smile before turning back to Asahi.

After about 15 minutes we manage to calm down the crying boy who simply thanks us for caring before getting up and laying down with his boyfriend and, thankful, falling asleep.

Me and the Kurosuno(idk if I spelled that right and I quite frankly do not care, it's 4:30 in the damn morning) number one sat on his bed in silence for a few minutes before he pulls me into his lap and asks, "why was he crying?" I looking back at him before snuggling into his touch, "I found out he's cutting again, and he told me he was thinking about the things he used to. Daichi I'm worried about him..." I respond to his question. He hums back before laying us down.

I eventually fall asleep in the warm embrace of my boyfriend.

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Dude my phone kept glitching out do this took ten times longer to write😖
Word count is 1160