ELEVEN . tsukishima kei [✓]

#01 | nov 21st

dear kei,

was that too formal? i have no idea. this is my first time writing a letter and i don't really know how to do it well. what do people write in letters? i don't know. it's a little embarrassing to write something to you because i'm sure you'll think im being oddly sappy for no reason at all by the time you read this.

ahhhhh, i love you so much. i've been having a really rough time lately and im sorry for getting mad at you all the time. you'd always stay by my side when i was acting crazy. i don't blame you for breaking up with me, you know? i get it. i'm not easy to deal with and i caused a lot of problems for you. im sorry for putting you through all that.

i love you so much. i can't stop thinking of you. i should've been good to you. you were such a great boyfriend. why did i ever let you go?

i don't mean to make it about myself but i really was a shitty lover. i never thought of how you might feel and only worried about myself. you must've hated me for that.

even so, i can't help but want you back. you were the sunshine in my life, even though you thought of yourself as the moon. you called yourself cold but all those days and nights with you were so warm. i felt so warm inside. my heart couldn't handle. we really were perfect together, love.

i seriously love you. so much that i want to go to your house and apologize a thousand times. i know you dont want me anymore but i still want you. i want you more than anything. i'll better myself for you. just come back one day. please, you have to come back to me one day. ill welcome you with open arms, i swear.

i just miss your soft kisses in the morning. i miss everything about you. your smartass remarks too.

this is just me simping of you, huh? embarrassing.

my day went well, if you must know. i woke up at 7AM feeling a bit sick so I went to the doctors then came back home to watch TV in the living room. my mom cleaned the house and told me to sit still for today even though i wanted to help for once. we had chicken for dinner because i was in the mood for it. im pretty full since i finished dinner not too long ago. it's getting colder and im not sure if i like it tbh. i miss your warmth.

it's been so cold lately that i can't help but think of all the time we used to hang out in your living room with hot chocolate and thick blankets. i'd always spill it somehow and you'd just laugh before helping me clean up. it really was the peak of my life.

i am so happy that you were the one who i spent most of my life with. you were the love of my life. im sorry that we broke up. i hope you'll come see me one day so you can tell me all about how you're doing. i'd love to hear about it.

i dont want this to be too long before you end up finding me to be irritating or something, so ill end it here, okay? if you don't mind, ill send a letter everyday in hopes of a response from you <3

i love you, kei

sincerely,
l/n f/n :)