ELEVEN . tsukishima kei [✓]

#311 | sep 27th

dear kei,

happy birthday, kei!! you're already so freaking old. i cant believe that im officially a year younger than you for now until my birthday. im curious as to what you're doing for your birthday!

i sent you some gifts along with your clothes and some of my belongings. i don't think you'll want most of it but it couldn't hurt to send them since i won't be needing them for much longer.

ive been working on this letter for the past eleven months because i knew it'd be hard to write by the time your birthday came around.

my mother and father have left me alone because I didn't wish to see anyone but you on this fine day. im highly doubting that you'll show up but there's a sliver of hope in my heart that you'll be here.

happy birthday to the love of my life. everything about you was perfect in my eyes. i don't know how many times ive said it but you're so perfect. everything you do is so lovely. i love you. i love you. i love you.

i may sound weird or obsessive for loving you but you're the only guy who's ever shown me love. i can only ever thank you for doing so much for me while we were dating. even if you weren't there while i needed you most, i still appreciate everything you've ever done.

this past year has been absolute hell. im afraid everyday of my life. so many days i wished to die when the pain got too unbearable suddenly vanished from mind whenever i thought of you. you were my muse, my air, my love, my everything. you were and still are everything to me

maybe it was just me using you as a means of coping with this but... i truly do love you.

you loving me so earnestly back then gave me enough strength to live until your birthday. are you proud of me? <3

i hope one day, i'll open my eyes and see you laying beside me with a smile on your face as you reach over and give me a kiss like you'd always do. you'd hold me close and comfort me for suffering all on my own. you'll love me again.

i probably should have told you about my sickness back when we broke up but it was hard. i could barely stand the thought of it myself but to burden you too? i couldn't do it. you were so happy. i wasn't going to ruin it for you back then.

but as the months went on, i grew greedy. i wanted your comfort, even if it meant that you'd be sad about my health. i wanted you next to me, even if you had to watch me die in your arms.

you never answer. my mom and dad are at home, desperately pretending they don't know their daughter is on the verge of death right now. my friends are unaware of what's going on. you won't show up. i know it.

so i guess i really will die alone.

happy birthday, my love. i love you so much <3

goodbye

yours truly,
l/n f/n <3