ELEVEN . tsukishima kei [✓]

#1 | nov 21st

dear y/n,

this feels rather inappropriate to write now that it's been barely even two months since that night, but it's necessary to write a letter at this time

i'm playing for a team here at the university im attending alongside koganegawa (the one from date tech with angry bird hair) and kyotani (the one from aoba johsai that has hair like a tennis ball) plus other people ive met through the school. you already know this but i feel the need to remind you just in case you don't. i play as a middle blocker but sometimes its very tiring to jump and block all the time. i'd like to rely on my teammates to take the brunt of the opponents hit when they spike but i know that if i want to win, i can't rely on anyone else to handle my dirty work. especially since kogane sucks ass at receiving even thought its been so long since he started playing volleyball.

his shitty receives remind me of when you and i used to play volleyball in your front yard after school. you always tried to help me get better even though you weren't all that great at receives either. it was kind of embarrassing now that i think about it. we were both so shit and yet it was so fun to just play ball for hours like a bunch of idiots. im not going to say that i miss doing that with you but i sort of do.

this is so fucking awkward to say but i still lik...no, i still love you. don't clown me for speaking all this sappy shit but i miss your smile. the way you grin so brightly when you see me or the way your eyes would crinkle whenever you smiled so wide that your cheeks would perk up. my hands have been aching to touch your hair, mess it up like i usually do whenever i see you.

i miss you so fucking much.

i forgive you for all those arguments that you started when you weren't feeling the greatest and could only turn to negative emotions to quell those worries you held onto one-sidedly. i should've known you were suffering and helped you out as best as i could instead of breaking up with you when things got somewhat complicated.

i still sometimes meet with your mother when we see each other out and about. she's got a lot of stories about you and tells me all about how you've been doing. she said that you like a new flower? i can't seem to remember the name but im sure you'll tell me what it is the next time we see each other, whenever that is.

im going to graduate from this college soon and begin work at the sendai city museum. it's always been an interest of mine to work in a place where i can admire the artifacts and fossils i grew up learning about.

this is so shameful to ramble about, but if it's to you, i'm sure it'll be fine. you've seen just about every side of me in the amount of years we were dating. i'm almost embarrassed to remember that you have seen me at my worst yet still loved me when things got rough. i couldn't see past your facade and ended things abruptly like an idiot. it's something i'll probably think of for the rest of my life. i don't think i can ever be forgiven for ruining something as amazing as what we had.

i've begun to cook and clean my house once again. i was in a bit of a slump after what happened but i saw your stuff and knew i couldn't just sit around. i wanted to keep this lighthearted because you always did that with yours but i'm so fucking sorry. i can't even think of what to say but im so so so fucking sorry for not showing up that day. i should've been there with you.

i have no other explanation for myself. i was ignoring your letters. i missed the day you needed me. i was absent on the day you died. i still can't even bring myself to visit you. i hope you'll forgive me one day when we meet again.

until then, i'll write you a letter everyday.

this is only the beginning.

i love you, [y/n].

sincerely,
kei

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[ a/n : im kinda lazy to write an explanation but let me just tell you that tsukki wrote a note every single day for her until he died. this letter was only the first one of thousands. sorry this was so rushed but thank you for reading <33 i love you ]