Desiderium

Amor

Mason and Kay are staying with me the entire weekend. It's been awhile since we've all had good bonding time.

Well, mainly since Mason and I have had bonding time. I missed him.

As we sit on my couch and watch some cartoon, I can't help but to look at him. The signs of tiredness starting to appear, the softness of his once toned belly, the smile lines, the barely there crows feet.

Having a child, stress, custody battles, running a business, it's all aging him. I've been here, helping in ways only a friend would.

As his eyes find mine, sees me watching him, I don't look away. Over these few years I've begun wanting to help in ways that a friend wouldn't.

I want to take away all his worries and hardships. I want to take care of his child, him, his diner, and any other problems he has.

It's frightening honestly. I've only felt this way for one other, and she no longer controls me. 

I loved her with everything and she used it against me. Will he do the same? Will he take what I offer and then demand more?

I want him to want me, but not if it costs my freedom. 

Knowing what I do about life, am I willing to risk my heart again?

I find my answer in his eyes. 

Yes, I am willing to risk it.

Kay yawns, bringing our attention to her.

"Daddy, I'm sleepy."

He nods at her.

"Okay honey, let's go to bed."

He picks her up and turns to me.

"Goodnight Mae."

I give him a small smile.

"Goodnight."

They go to one of the guest rooms and I turn the T.V. off. I make my way up to my room and wonder if I had imagined the moment shared between us.

I take a shower and change into something to sleep in. I make a mental note of needing to buy a new bonnet, this one makes me too hot at night sometimes.

I've been dreaming  more often. I hadn't dreamt much before, I think Vie may have had something to do with that though. Sometimes I see her in them, sometimes I see Tod, other times I see Mason and Kaylee.

It's taken a while to get her hold off of me.

I can hear the guest room door open and familiar steps come toward my door. I knew our moment wasn't imagined.

There's a knock on the door, I tell him to enter. 

He steps into the room and closes the door behind him, with one arm behind his back.

"I have a gift for you."

I raise a brow but nod and motion him to come closer. Usually he would've jumped on the bed by now.

"It's nothing big or anything, I just uh, saw it and thought about you."

He brings the item from behind his back, revealing a bonnet still in its package.

"I've had it for a while but I've been so busy I forgot to give it to you."

He hands it to me and I open it, seeing it was the kind I was just thinking of buying. 

Smiling brightly I thank him and take the one I was wearing off, my thick coils bouncing around me. I thought that actively interacting with humans would make me want to change my hair because of societal standards, but I still take great pride in it.

Just before I put the new bonnet on, he stops me, bringing his hand toward me he pauses midair.

"Mae, can I touch your hair?"

I think about it for a second, my first answer was going to be hell no, but I think again and nod.

"Are your hands clean?"

He nods.

"Yeah, I washed them in the guest room before I came in here."

Did he plan this or something.

"Okay, it's fine then, you can touch it."

He's sat on the bed now, and he reaches toward me again only stopping when his hand is at a few curls near the side of my face.

I inhale slightly as he gets closer, because he's not focused on my hair. Our eyes are locked onto each other, and just before we lean completely together he stops.

"Do you think we should do this?"

I nod.

"We definitely should."

I lean the rest of the way in and after five years of friendship, our lips meet. 

I don't feel so tired anymore.

We kiss and it feels like the ever expanding universe contracts into this moment. The feelings we share lead into hours of passion. I'm surprised that a human could last that long.

When morning comes and the sun filters into the room, hitting my eyelids and waking me from a dream, I instantly recall the way last night is a time I will always remember.

It was just so, wonderful.

I feel movement behind me, he turns and pauses. He shifts and I feel his arm come around my waist, pulling me closer and holding me tightly.

"How are you feeling?"

I turn over so I'm facing him.

"I feel good, what about you?"

He shrugs and smiles.

"Eh I'm okay I guess, not like that was one of the best nights of my life or anything."

I smile at him and we take a moment to see each other, and I wonder how he sees me.

He looks away and slowly exhales.

"I've wanted this for so long and I didn't know how to tell you. I really love you, Mae."

His words warm me on the inside, there's no doubt in my mind.

I push some strands of hair out of his face and hold his chin in my hand, pulling him to face me.

"I've experienced so many things, in so many times, and I've still never cared for one the exact way I care for you. In many ways you've shown me what it's like to truly be human, to live and care and hurt for others, but also to find happiness in the smallest moments. There's no place I'd rather be right now." 

He smiles, wiping away the moisture that built in his eyes as I spoke, and pulls me closer, his head resting on mine.

I hear him sniffle slightly.

"I guess it's official."

I look up at him.

"What is?"

He kisses me, then pulls away.

"You're stuck with me."

I smile and roll my eyes.

"I wouldn't have it another way."

We lay in bed for what feels like hours until Kay wakes up and barges in. We all spend the weekend together, without interruptions, and I finally understand what a family feels like.