Desiderium

Decay

The rain falls slowly down the window. Each droplet in a race to the bottom, there's never a clear winner.

Wind breezes slowly through the window, making the room smell like the rain. It's calming.

I inhale and close my eyes, relishing this moment of peace.

The door opens, familiar footsteps coming toward me. A hand placed on my shoulder, a small sigh escaping them.

"Hey Mom, how're you feeling?"

I place my hand on hers, smiling at her.

"I'm fine Kay."

She shakes her head.

"Seriously Mom, I know this can't be easy for you."

It's my turn to sigh as I face her.

"This can't be easy for you either... I know it isn't, he's your father. I don't want you worrying about me right now."

She glances over at him, sleeping in his bed with slightly labored breathing. 

He's been tired for a while now.

"I know he's 93 but I'm not ready yet."

I embrace her, knowing she needs the comfort.

"I know honey, I don't think I'll ever be ready to let go of him. I know our relationship has been complicated in the past but he's always been there when I needed him to be."

I hear her sniffle and she pulls away giving me a weak smile.

"I think I'm gonna go find some tissues, I'll be right back."

I nod my head and watch her walk into the hall, almost bumping into a nurse. She walked away after furiously apologizing and I chuckle, shaking my head.

I think back to when she was just a little girl, her dad's twin honestly, with his eyes and features, and goofy personality.

I couldn't be more proud of the person she is, she's kind, loving, and patient with her children and wife.

She turned out great.

Looking into the mirror on the wall I notice the changes in my appearance. My once youthful and proud melanin, sagging more than it once did. My coils are long and gray, crows feet and laugh lines.

Oh how the timeless beauty aged.

I hear shuffling and a slight cough come from the bed. I look over and see Mason struggling to sit up, before he knows it I'm helping him into a seated position with a glass of water in his hand.

He glances at me briefly, a small smile on his weathered face, he sips the water until he's satisfied and hands me the cup.

Leaning back into the pillow with a shaky sigh, he keeps his eyes on me, a habit he hasn't kicked over the years.

"Ya know Mae," he coughs, "after all these years I sometimes forget you're so different than the rest of us."

I sit on the chair next to the bed, and hold onto his hand laying near his side.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't so different," I shake my head and take a breath.

"Mason, even after everything we've been through, you've made me very happy. From all the makeups and breakups, the divorce, the remarriage... I need you to know that every moment of my journey with you was worth it."

My eyes grow teary and I try to stay strong for him, it's becoming impossible to keep it together, knowing he's leaving soon.

I feel his hand squeeze mine, and I rub his hand in soothing circular motions.