What would you do?

Less than a year

Chapter 1

"Are you sure?" I mumble. "I'm very sorry, Amanda, but this is why I don't like my job.

I am sure. All of the tests turned up positive." I hear my mom let out a tangled sob the sounded like a strangling whale. Normally, I would laugh, but I can't laugh. I could never laugh in a moment like this. I'm mortified. The doctor started to talk to my mom, but I zoned out. How could this be happening? I thought to myself. What did I ever do to deserve this? I feel tears brim my eyes, but I refuse to cry. At least not here. I will not be weak, especially in front of mom. The would just break her more than she is already broken. My mom and the doctor talked for what felt like forever. I'm pretty sure that I fell asleep at one point, but I can't quite remember. Today has just been one big blur. As we drive home from the hospital there is an awkward silence that lingers in the air. Not the type of awkward silence when you do something stupid in front of your crush but the agonizing type of silence when you can feel someone judging you. When we got home I jumped out of the car and ran upstairs to my room. As laid down on my bed I put on my earbuds and let myself drift away in my music. On a normal day my mom would make me do my homework immediately, but this is not a normal day. I am almost asleep then out of the corner of my eye I see my phone light up. I sit up to see who it is, it is Brad. He is calling me, like always. Brad and I have been dating for three years and almost every night he calls me to talk to me and say goodnight. Clichè, but it is adorable. Normally, I answer the phone immediately, but I didn't want to talk to him tonight. I dont want to have to tell him. I don't know how I can possibly tell him, but I can't keep this from him. On the third ring, I pick up the phone and stare at it then I answer. "Hello baby," he says in his raspy voice that a fall in love with every time that he speaks."Hi," I squeak. I won't cry. I can't."Is everything okay?" he asks with a serious tone to his voice. I wanted to say no and tell him everything but how could i tell him something like this over the phone."I'm fine," I try to say, but my voice cracks and the big lump I have in my throat seems to win. I let out a tangled little cry. "Amanda, you dont sound fine to me," he says."No, really, I am fine don't worry about me baby.""I don't believe you, I'm coming over and we are talking about this," he replies."Do you really think my mom will let you in?" I ask him."Well, we won't know until I get there. Bye, babe. I'll be there soon." he hangs up. I roll over in my bed and smile. Even a day like this he can make me feel better. Well... kind of. How am I going to tell him? I can't... I just can't do this. This is too hard. Shudders begin to take control of my body and I start to shake. Tears rush out of my eyes. If there ever was an ugly cry this was it. I don't know what to with myself. I hear a knock on my door, I figured it was my mom, I muttering "Go away." My door opens and I roll over to look to see who it is. "Wow, love you, too," Brad says as he walks into my room. I must look like a complete mess but at this point I do not care. I was still crying a little. Brad came over and crawled into my bed and pulled me into his arms and started to stroke my hair "Your mom let me come upstairs on a school night, so it must be pretty bad. What's going on baby? What's wrong?" He sounds scared, and I had never really heard that tone of voice before. I try to speak but it just comes out as a sob. This was even harder than I thought it would be." I can't say, I don't want you to know." I say letting out another loud sob. He held me tighter as I snuggled into his chest listening to his heart beat. "Amanda please baby tell me what is wrong, I want to be here for you because i care for for you. I wince and sigh, I am just gonna have to spit it out and get this over with. "I have cancer." I look to see his face. It is like stone. He looked at me and I feel his grip around me loosen, "But you're only 16, how could you get cancer?" His voice cracked. I took his hand that was shaking."They call it astrocytoma, it is a type of brain cancer. In most cases, it is not that serious and you can get it removed. In my case, I am stage 4 which is the worst that it can be and it has metastasized in a part of my brain where they can't take it out..." I pause and look at him."What is going to happen?" he asked. This was the hard part, this is the part I don't want to tell him. I open my mouth but hesitate and close my mouth. He looked down at me, his eyes staring right in my eyes. I look down and say so softly I thought he would not here me "The doctor says I have about a year or less to live." He dropped my hand and got off the bed. He was shaking, he started to pace the room. "It's okay baby, it is going to be okay," I say to him. I get up and walked over to him. "No," he says to me "That is what I am supposed to say to you." He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into a hug as I buried my head into his shoulder. He starts to rock me back and forth. I sigh and let him take me into his arms. "Why is this happening, what did I do to deserve this." I whisper. I didn't realize that he would hear me but he did. "You didnt do anything." "Then why is this happening?" I say flustered. He paused trying to come up with an answer, finally he said "Bad things happen to good people." i pulled out of his arms and say "But it isn't fair" I must sound really whiny not now and I don't mean to be but do know what else to do. "Life isn't fair, it isn't right that bad things happen to good people." He looks at me and says "you didn't let me finish" he puts his hand on my chin pulling my head up so I am looking in his eyes, the he says in caring tone looking directly at me "There is nothing we can do about it but keep your head up. Everything is going to be okay. I promise." I sigh and push away from him and walk over to my bed frustrated "don't make promises you can't keep." I crawl in to bed. He walks over and lays down next to me. He doesn't try to fight back, he puts his arms over me and I snuggle next to him. I wish I could just stay like this forever.