What would you do?

Hospitals

Chapter 3

I hate hospitals partly because they smell absolutely putrid and partly because I have had to spend quite a lot of time in a hospital. As I was about to lay down on the hospital bed my doctor came. He scared me half to death because I was wearing one of those gowns that tie in the back so would have flash him. I sit up very quickly as I sit up I rip the paper that is covering the bed. I look up and my cheeks turn a little red with embarssment, I have always been a klutz. "Hello Miss Amanda" the doctor greets me very politely. "Hello" I answer. He looks over me almost like how guys check you out only thats not what he was doing. I know exactly what he was doing, I have seen it many times before. He was seeing how sick I am. I have had doctors do this to me before. I don't like the way it feels. You can sense the judgementent, you can almost see the treatments and medicines weave though their little brain. Thinking on what they are going to do to attempt to make you better. It is not a pleasant thing to be judge for the way you look. "What is your pain level 1 to 10? 10 being the highest," The doctor asked with a plain voice. "4" I say just as wryly. I have been to so many hospitals I know that I can sassy all I want, Their is not much they can do about it. Especially since I am a cancer kid. " I don't think I introduced myself my name is Dr. Randall." I burst out in laughter. "Really?" I say sarcastically "Dr. Randal, that is such a doctor name." He almost looked offended. I didn't mean to offend him but how could I not, his name is doctor Randall for gods sake. " Yes Amanda, it is a very doctor my name but in case you weren't aware I am a doctor so I would hope it sounds like a doctor name. I was very taken aback. Doctors at my old hospital would have never been sassy back but that may have been the type of hospital it was. Dr. Randal being sassy frightens me I wont be able to slack off with him. But maybe in the long run that will be a good thing. "Okay Randal what do you have to tell me" This time I don't make it sassy I make it almost friendly, which trust me is a big thing for me. The only people that I am not rude to are the Brad and Callie. Those are the people I trust, I can be myself around and I know they will not judge me. You could say I have some trust issues. Speaking of Callie I need to tell her about this.The doctor broke my train of thought, "Yes, I want to talk to you about your symptoms of your brain tumor. I have already told you mother all of these but there is no way to sugar coat this so if you need someone to support you I can call your mother in but she will have to leave when I start to do the test." I think about it for a second, I love my mom but I would rather not have her here. "No I will be fine, you can just tell me now" He didn't look surprised, he must deal with moody teenagers a lot. "Okay. Headaches, seizures, memory loss, depression and changes in behavior are the most common early symptoms of astrocytoma. Other symptoms may occur depending on the size and location of the tumor. Since the location of the tumor is in a very permanent part of your head these symptoms might be severe and you will notice them soon. I have told your mother prescriptions to get you and that you will need lots of sleep." He paused to give me a break to take all this in. I sit back and take a deep breath in. Those were a lot of symptoms and i am a little scared. "Anything else" I ask as calm as possible. "Yes there is one more thing I suggested therapy for you, One of the symptoms I mentioned is depression and given your..." he paused " History, i think it will be very beneficial for you to have therapy. I just nodded my head. I have had therapy many times and i know i might as well not fight it. I mean it could even work. Besides not like my mom wouldn't make me go anyway. "Well it is time for your test now follow me" he said. I got up and followed him to this room. I was not looking forward to being tested. Nothing better than getting poked and prodded by a bunch of people in masks that I do not know. I'd way rather be hanging out like i always do with Brad and Callie. I really need to tell callie about this I can't believe I still haven't. She is always the person I go to first when I have had problems and she has always been there for me. I got in the car and we started to drive away from the hospital. I was extremely sore they had to put a tube down me to make sure none of the cancer had gone into my lung and it has made me sore now. I sank down in my seat turned on the radio and closed my eyes. I drift off, I feel someone touch my shoulder and shake me gently "Get up sweety we are home" my mother said brushing my hair out of my face. "Umm no" I moan. I was so comfortable, I didn't want to get up, not only that I don't have the energy to get up. Recently I have been losing all my energy. All the sudden my heart drops, my symptoms have already started that really scares me. All the sudden I feel strong arms around me. They pick me up and start to carry me away. I don't know who it is but I am too tired to open my eyes. The person carry me gently lays me on my bed they pull the covers over me and I snuggle down into the covers. I felt a body crawl into bed with me and snuggle against me. I open one eye to see who it is. It is Brad. His eyes are bloodshot and his hair is a mess. He is wearing dirty clothes and I can tell that he has been crying. I really want to comfort him but I just can't. I am so tired I can barely open my eyes much less my mouth. I just give him a meek smile and snuggle in closer to his arms. He is warm and even though he is wearing dirty clothes he still smells good. I love Brad. I love him so much. I can't believe that I am going to leave him. I felt a stab in my heart and I feel my heart shatter into a hundred pieces. I don't want to leave him, But I don't have a choice and that kills me. I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye to them, but rather having to learn without them. But the worst part of this situation is this is not happening to me. I am doing this to the person that I love the most. There is nothing I can do about it. And that fact is breaking me.