What would you do?

What did I do?

Chapter 2

I wake up and look over at my clock it's 3:00 am. I turn over excepting for Brad be next to me, he was not. He must have left when I was asleep. I close my eyes and try to go to sleep, but of course my thoughts would not let me. Maybe all of this is an awful dream and I will wake up in the morning. I will go down stairs and my mom will be waiting downstairs for me ready to criticize my outfit, telling my that my skirt was to short or that my hair looks better wavy. I really hate when she tells me this but honestly I am going to miss that. Tears started coming to my eyes and shudders started to overtake my body. I buried my head deep into my pillow to muffle my loud sobs. I could barely breathe, but I was not gonna let my mom hear me she is already overwhelmed. I'm too young to die, this isn't right, I don't understand. "WHAT DID I DO!!" I scream. I regret this immediately after because my mom comes rushing into my room. "What's wrong darling, are you in pain? What should I do, should I call the hospital?" I didn't respond, I buried my head farther into my pillow. I wish she could just understand that I wanted to be alone. I wish that I was still a little kid when my biggest worry in the world was missing a Hannah Montana episode. I would do anything to go back to those days, when everything was okay. God what i would do for everything to be okay. Things have not been okay for long time, way before the tumor occurred... my mom snapped me out of my thoughts. "Amanda speak to me, are you okay? Please!" she had a tone in her voice that I had only heard once. She was worried and almost yelling, I hate doing this to her making her feel so helpless and what makes it worse is that I have made her feel this feeling before. I am a horrible person. I just hurt everyone around me, but i could never tell my mom that, that would just worry her more. "Ya, mom, I'm fine, just really really tired. Could you please leave me alone I want to sleep." I felt bad after I said that I sounded so harsh. She was not trying to annoy me, she was just worried for her daughter I mean I would be like this too if my daughter was dying... dying I can't believe it. I can't believe that i'm dying. She bends over and kisses me very lightly on the top of my head. She has not done that for awhile. "Of course darling, sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite. I find it ironic that the more I grow up the more she baby's me but i guess that is just how mothers work. You know what else I find ironic? I find it ironic that I just got better, I finally want to live, I know I have something and someone to live for. Now that I do I am going to die. I should have just died before. I wish I could have died last year when I wanted to; when I tried.