What would you do?

Oblivion

Chapter 10

I walk into to math class and look around the room. I start to walk to my seat when I see Evan, he sitting right behind me. I had never actually noticed that he sat behind me. Sometimes I was just so oblivious to the whole world. I look at him and smile then I sit down. Oblivious. I wish I was still oblivious. Like when I was a child, when everything was okay and I had this bubble around me. A bubble that protected me from the world. It didn't let me see all the wrong in the world. But then one day that bubble just popped, and everything went wrong. The reality of the world is more pain than any child could ever imagine. When the cold, harsh reality hits, it's painful. Everything you thought you knew isn't what you thought. The people that you trust the most could be using you, and that life is not fair. It will never be fair. As a child, you think if you are good person, and kind, and respectful, everything in the world will go right for you. People will just hand you things and it will be that easy; but it will never be that easy. It feels like a thousand knives stabbing you, and that's a hard realization.You can never trust anyone no matter how much you want to. When I was young and naive, I gave people my trust and they used me and broke me forever. So inside, I keep my emotions bottled up and that is slowly killing me. Everything wrong replays over and over in my head and these voices are constantly talking to me telling me that I am worthless and I will never be good enough. The reason I lock up my emotions is because once I set them free, I fall hard. I end up falling with no one there to catch me. So I crash to the pavement broken and alone. Because I have no one and I don't ever think I will have anyone. People say that they will always be there for me but that is just a lie. When it is 3 in the morning and I am all alone crying wondering if I finally took enough pills and tonight will finally be the night I get to leave this twisted world, there is no one is for me. No one will ever be there for you in times like that, no matter what they say. "Amanda!'' I hear a voice yell. I look up to see the whole class staring at me and a teacher looking at me very impatient. "Sorry, I didn't hear you what did you say?" I ask in the sweetest voice I could muster. "I know that it is early and that math might not be very interesting, but you need to pay attention." The teacher whips around and starts to walk to the board. "That goes for everyone, everyone needs to pay attention in this class." I put my head down again and zone out as my teacher rambles on and on about how we need to pay attention and that we are just wasting time by not paying attention. I laugh to myself. Teachers are such hypocrites, they say we waste time but they tell us this by giving us a thirty minute lecture. I hear the bell ring. I grab all my stuff and stand up. I see Brad walking out the door and I was about to run up to him but then I heard a voice behind my me. "So, what were you thinking about that was so intriguing, Amanda?" I look behind me and see Evan standing there with a mischievous grin. "Were you thinking about me naked?" he says as he starts to walk. I follow behind him saying, "I have a boyfriend, you are aware of this right?" I laugh while saying it. "I am aware, but i mean, who wouldn't want to think about me?" he says, moving his eyebrows up and down and nudging my shoulder. I start to laugh really hard. I reached my locker, his locker was just a couple down from mine. "But seriously, what were you thinking about?" he asks. I look at him and close my locker. "It isn't that interesting. I don't want to bore you to death," I say plainly. He laughs and follows behind me "You couldn't bore me to death no matter how hard you tried." I turn around and laugh, "Fine, I was just thinking about how messed up this world is. How you can trust no one and..." i pause and look at him, "It sucks." "I can't really argue with that," he says. "See, I told you that you wouldn't bore me to death," he adds. "I guess I didn't, this time." He looks at me and smiles. "Are you following me?" I ask him. "No we have English next, you know I'm in your English class right?" he says. I start to blush. "Yea, of course I do! I just forgot for a second, sorry!!" I kind of giggle when I say it. He rolls his eyes and walks in front of me and says, "I'm offended!" in a girly tone. I laugh and run next to him, "Aww, don't be mad!" I say using my puppy dog eyes. He grins and says, "It's hard to say no to those eyes." We turn to the classroom and walk in. I put my books down near the back of the class and he puts his books behind me. Now that I think about it, Evan and I have a lot of classes together. I never really noticed till now. The teacher walks in and tells the class to get out our homework. I reach in my binder to get it out, I put it on my desk and the teachers comes around to pick it up. I feel someone tapping on my chair. I roll my eyes and turn around and say "Yes?" He smiles and shakes his head. I turn around and look back at the board. He starts to tap my chair again. I turn around and give him a death stare. "What do you want?" I say annoyed. "Nothing Amanda, I think you should pay attention and stop trying to talk to me." he says with a small little playful smirk on his face. "Amanda, Evan!" I hear a teacher yell. "I don't appreciate your rude and disrespectful behavior. If you are gonna talk, go in the hallway." I turn around and look her in the eye but don't move. Now the math teacher is not the type of person you want to mess with. She has a lot of rumors about her around the school. One was that any students that talked back to her, she would take after school and decapitate them. Of course I know these aren't true and she isn't going to send a cancer kid to the principle, so what do I have to lose; right? Evan stands up and taps my shoulder forcing me to get up and follow him into the hallway. We close the door and sit on the floor. He looks at me and laughs with a worried look in his eye. "Are you trying to get killed?" he says. "Maybe" I say daring. He just smiles and nods then turns his head. We sat there then all the sudden he said "that sounds like you." I look at him and say "What sounds like me?" He looks at me for a moment. "You're daring, you don't care, but then you do." I cock my head and look at him confused. What could he mean by this, I did not know how to take it. He turns toward me and says "You only care about the important stuff and let go of all the other. You daring enough to stand up for what you believe in and I admire that. I wish I could do that Miss Amanda." He said in a cute tone. I look at him right as the door opens and the teacher walks out of the classroom. " You two may come back inside now, you will be responsible for everything that you missed." We walk back in and go to our seats and sit down. We had 10 more minutes of class left. I sat back and zoned out, this class could not go any slower. I hear the bell ring. I grab my books and stand up. I walk out of the class and turn to left to go to my locker when I see Brad. Brad walks up to me. I smile but he does not smile back at me. He looks almost mad, maybe he is. My stomach drops could I have done something wrong?I don't want him to be mad at me, I don't know what I would do without Brad. "Hey baby!" I say cheerfully as if I didn't notice that he looked angry. "Why are you hanging out with Evan? Are you cheating on me?" he said in a mean tone. His brow was furrowed and he looked really mad. I take a step back "Of course not baby, I would never do that!" I say in a soft tone. "Then why are you hanging out with him so much?" He says with a scary tone in his voice, I have never seen him this mad. "No I am not, the only reason I am hanging out with him..." I pause I don't want to tell him that I am going to a support group."What? See you don't have an excuse you are cheating on me.. What did I ever do to you?" He says. I grab his arm and say "I have to explain," I look right in his eyes while holding on to his arm and say gently, "But I swear to god Brad, I am not cheating you. I love you, I don't know what I would do without you. My eyes start to tear up. He pulls me in my arms and says "Lets get out of here. I nod my head and we walk to the P.E gym. We have a door that nobody knows about, when things get tough we leave school and talk for hours. The teachers cover the door with Gym supplies, they think that we would not see it but we do. We both push the pulley out of the way and go through the door. We walk around the parking lot and get into his jeep. I sit back and put my feet on the dashboard. He starts up the car and turns on the radio. He starts to drive I drift off, I am exhausted my medicine makes me really tired. I feel a gentIe hand shake me. I open my eyes and smile, we are at a park type things that has trails and a really pretty view. We always go here, its really peaceful. I was about to get out of the car but Brad said something "Wait Amanda, why are you hanging out with Evan so much. I turn towards him and say "My mom is making me go to a support group for... my dad" He nods his head but says "Thats has nothing to do with Evan though!" he sighs and says "This is helpless" he starts the car back up. I say "Wait, I am not done, he goes to my support group." Brad looks at me out of surprise. "His mom died of cancer, just like I have and I have been reminding me of his mom so I feel bad for him, so I am hanging out with him. Brad he is nice and everything, but I love you. Nothing is going on with him I promise." I look at him straight in his eyes then slowly lean in and kiss him gently on his lips running my hands gently through his hair. I sit back then open the door hop out of the car. I see a grin on his face as he gets out of the car to. I start walking on the trail up the mountain. I look back and Brad is right behind me, I stop and look at him. He looks at me and says "What?" "Lets go a new way this time.."I look at him, he cocks his head at me. "We always go down the same trail and it always works and it is pretty, but lets try something new, different." I grab his hand and look him in the eye. We start to walk again to we get to the point where the trail splits. There are two different ways to go, we always go to the right, it is supposed to be easier to walk, years back we had a bad storm and it knocked a lot of trees down and they only cleared the right path. Not many people walked on the left path anymore. Brad was about to turn to the right but I went to the left, he hesitated and looked at me, then followed. I kept walking on the trail as best as I could, I had to be careful to not fall. After what feels like walking for forever I stop and look up. I gasp.