Her and Me

Part 9. "Not Forgiven."

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BEN POV

The exact words that came out of Nessa's mouth were, "I'm in love with you, Ben."

I felt hot. Right there on the spot.

My palms were sweaty...matter of fact my whole body was sweating.

You could say that I was just so surprised to hear her say that since I never thought she would feel the same way. 

But, she did things...and does it make me love her any less?

I don't even know.

She pushed a girl. She's in a COMA, now. I don't know what to think!

She also told me another part of the story.

She said she's been to 2 schools before she went to mine, and she got expelled from both of them.

She said she had a horrible reputation but they gave her a chance, but she was being bullied by the girls from the schools, so she fought back. Not in words, but in fists. 

She said no one could mess with her, and she felt powerful. But at the same time, bad. Because of what she still did to Celina. I don't blame her. I'd feel like crap if I pushed a girl down off a railing.

I thought Nessa was in an innocent girl, who was just getting to know our town and being in it. I spent time with her, helped her feel comfortable and I fell for her. 

But what I didn't know was that I also fell for a murderer.

Well, I mean...she's not a murderer but..you know what I mean.

I didn't want to be that kind of guy...love someone who's like that.

It was awful.

It was terrible.

After she said those words in our phone call, let me tell you, I froze. And I froze for a long time.

Which made Nessa worried.

"Ben? Ben? Ben, are you okay? You're not saying anything..." Nessa said sounding worried.

I finally decided to talk.

"Hey," I said back.

"Oh, thank god. I thought something happened to you."

"Nope. I'm right here."

"Look, Ben. I get it if you don't want to be around me anymore. I was a monster...but I've changed."

"How do I know that for sure? How do I not know that you'll go to school and beat someone so hard they die?" 

Nessa paused.

"Ben, you sound incredibly ridiculous. I could never do such a thing to kill a person. What is wrong with you?"

"I just...I can't."

"You can't what?"

"Nessa..."

"What?"

"I fell for you too."

"What..? You feel the same?" Nessa said giggling.

"Yeah. I did."

"You did? What are you talking about?"

"I said I DID. I don't feel like that anymore. I can't be in love with a murderer."

"Ben...I'm not a murderer! You're insane!"

"No, you're insane! How many girls have you TRIED to kill?"

"None!"

"Then why are you fighting all the time?!"

"I don't fight anymore Ben! I've changed!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Why not?! I have done nothing to lose your trust! So why now?"

I take a deep breath. 

"Nessa, I'm hanging up."

"No, wait Ben, please." 

"What?"

"I love you..."

"You're a monster."

"You're acting like I did this on purpose...besides, everyone fights! It's not a big deal!"

"It is when the girl I love fights and might one day die because of it!"

Nessa let out a loud gasp.

"Ben...I don't have any problems anymore. Please. I don't do that stuff anymore. That's not me. I let it go. You don't need to worry about me dying because of anything. I swear. But..do you forgive me?"

I took another deep breath and coughed because I was yelling too much.

"You've hurt people. And the next level of hurt was in your vocabulary. The Nessa I know would never do that. And you yourself could be in that hospital," I said.

"So no. I don't forgive you, and I don't plan to. I'm not in love with a monster."

"Ben, please. You know what Celina did. She HURT me. Stop being mad at me for defending myself...I'm not a monster. I don't hurt people anymore." 

"Whatever. Just leave me alone Nes."

"Ben..."

I hung up the phone and laid on my bed.

A tiny pool of tears came down my eyes on my pillow.

Mom came into my room and saw my tears shocked, and hugged me tightly. 

She didn't know what happened, but she knew I needed support. 

The girl I was so in love with...I found out her true personality. She hurts people because she thinks they deserve it. People bully...there is no need to pick a fight and hurt them and put them into a hospital. It's just something I've never dealt with. She doesn't understand.

At least Brea wasn't like her. Maybe I could reach out to her. 

Yeah, maybe. 

eeek what did y'all think lololol anyways um yeah don't what to keep you waiting and reading this but hope you guys have a good day! :) muah! <3