Just Hold On (Book 2 of The Jaythan Series)

22. There Goes Everything...

 W/N Happy Valentine's Day, sorry this isn't too lovey dovey yet it kinda is? Hope you enjoy!Xx

*one week later*

(Jay's POV)

        I wake up to an indescribable pain in my left leg and a bunch of nurses looking down on me. Judging me.

        "Is it gone?" I ask weakly, my head throbbing from the anesthetics.

        "Yes, sir. The surgery was successful so now all you have to do is rehabilitation!" an overly cheery nurse chirped away.

        "Is he gone?" I ask fearfully. Just before I was taken into emergency surgery, Nathan didn't look like he'd make it through the night.

        "Nope, he seems to be doing just a bit better. He might just make it after all." she replies. He won't. She's only saying this to try and ease my racing mind.

        "Can I see him?" I ask through a yawn.

        "I'm sorry, hun, but you need to rest for a bit. I promise, it'll help you tons!" she says before asking me if I wanted anything.

        "Yes, I want my Nathan." I pout, letting the hope fill me.

        "Jay, I've already told you, no! Now pick out your dinner and it'll be ready when you wake up." she said. I nod my head and pick my usual, vegetarian soup, water, and an apple. At least their soup taste good. I send them my order and go into a dream filled sleep.

..........................................................................................................................

         The raging war of me against me was dying down and I could tell that the outcome would be very selfish. Me and Nathan were now facing each other, my expression blank hopefully and his full of suspicion as he reads me like an open book.

        Suddenly, I was hit with total devastation. I hated that Nathan didn't trust. I know for a fact he hates liars way more than he could ever dislike gays. Luckily, he's cool with gays but I don't think I'm strictly dickly. I think I'm just strictly Nathan's. 

        "You're right, I lied. I don't have a girlfriend and I don't want one. You wanna know why?" I say making him back away with my loudness.  Damn it, I'm scaring him now. He gathers up his anger and challenges me with

        "Yes I would love to know why and no lying, this time." 

         I muster all of my courage and did exactly what I was most afraid of, I kissed him. I just leaned in and kissed Nathan's perfectly soft, pink lips hard.

        They were brilliant to say the least. As I pressed in closer, I pulled him into me. I could feel his bulge grow against my own and couldn't do anything but hold him as close as possible and then some. I couldn't believe this was happening. I, of all people, was kissing the man of my dreams, Nathan Sykes! I laughed at myself for fan-girling as hard as I am. I wish this would never end, that I could just stay on this high.

        At last, Nath broke the kiss. And damn was I afraid of what would happen next. We stared at each other breathless for a while before the safe and excruciating silence was broken as well as everything else.

        "That was-" "I'm so sorry!" We say at the same time.

        "I've got to go" I say. But when I turn for the door I feel Nath's strong hands grab my pants as he places his lips on mine as if it were natural. I feel his heart-shaped tongue slip inside my mouth, tasting around as if I were the most delicious thing he's ever tasted.

          "Oh really" he challenges.

        "So, are you bent?" Nath asks. He has one hand tucked in my back pocket as the other runs through my hair. He gives me this mischievous smile that makes my heart drop into my stomach and my erection get higher.

        "Yes." I say, pressing my nose against his. Relief washed over me. Finally, I knew that much.

..................................................................................................................................

        I wake up to a nurse nudging me and tears pouring down my face. I miss Nath so much, it's not fair. The nurse offers me my dinner which I refuse. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that much in my stomach. I can hardly handle anything these days. After a while, I look down at my body. Why did all this have to happen? Me and Nath would've gotten married, had children, we'd both have legs and healthy lungs. I hit the nurses button causing a nurse to come in almost immediately.

        "Is everything alright?" he asked. I shake my head as I prepare myself to get up.

        "I really need to see Nathan. Could you just... wheel me to him?" I asked through my sobs.

        "Nathan who?" he asked, pulling out my wheel chair.

        "Nathan Sykes. Room 106 A." I sniffle slightly as he begins to help me out of bed. Once I'm in the wheel chair he realizes that my bandages need to be changed but, once he's done, we go to Nathan

        We enter Nathan's room where he seems to be fast asleep. I'm placed right next to Nath, his lifeless hand in mine.

        "Nathan? Nath, can you hear me?" I whisper, my face inches from his. Nothing. What did I expect from a man who is on his death bed. After a while of contemplating what I should do now, I do what we always do in tough situations. I sing.

...............................................................................................................................

This is not gonna last forever
It’s that time when you must hold on.
And I won’t let you surrender,
And I’ll heal you if you’re broken.

We can stand so tall together.
We can make it through the stormy weather.
We can go through it all together, do it all together, do it all.

I’ll be your strength.
I will, I will, I will.
I’ll be your strength.
Yes I will, yes I will.

I won’t sleep till the sky is calmer,
Keep on searching till I find you.
And my love will be your armor,
In this battlefield around you.

Hand in hand we will walk together,
We can make it through the stormy weather.
We can break down walls together, do it all together, do it all.

I’ll be your strength.
I will, I will, I will.
I’ll be your strength.
Yes I will, yes I will

...............................................................................................................................

        Once I finish I notice a stream of tears running down my face but then, I see a tear rolling down Nathan's cheek as well. He's okay, he'll be okay. 

        That's when a loud beeping sound goes off an a few nurses rush in, sending me away. He's not gonna make it, he is most definitely not okay. And that's when everything inside of me shatters.

W/N Yes, Jay is indeed an amputee now and Nathan is still not doing too well.

P.S. I hope we've all learned from Jay to take our medicine.

P.P.S Nathan is just having breathing issues, his organs(excluding the lungs) are doing okay.