Olympus College

Confession

"Ugh," I groan as I throw myself off onto my bed and away from my essay. My head is pounding from lack of sleep, stress, and over exertion. I let myself lie there, closing my eyes to try to satisfy my wholly exhausted body. It's not long before my anxiety settles in again and nervous energy renders me incapable of a nap.

Damn it. I sit back up, letting my head flop down and shoulders slouch. I'm a wreck, and I have been for the last few days. I've gotten all of my assignments done, but haven't shown up for any classes.

If only Hypnos was here, they could force me to take a nap...

I reach towards my phone to message them, but my screen is full of unread messages and I set the phone back down as to avoid answering them.

I know most of the messages must be from Eros, maybe a couple from Circe. I've only been MIA for a couple days, but Eros has been acting like I've been brutally murdered, which isn't even possible. It feels like he messages hourly with his anxious texts all along the same lines.

Eros: Hermes, you okay?

Eros: Answer me if you're okay.

Eros: did something happen?

Eros: I'm worried about you.

Eros: Why won't you talk to me?

Eros: Did I do something wrong?

I sigh, guilt flooding my stomach. No, you didn't, I think. But I sure did.

I've been trying to avoid thinking about my kiss with Apollo, and in turn, avoiding pretty much every 'normal' aspect of my life. Turns out I'm great at being dysfunctional when I want to.

Yet, that day has been playing on repeat ever since it happened. I feel so conflicted, torn between what I think I want and what I think I should want.

Apollo messaged me once since it happened, off of the phone I'd recently stolen from him. I didn't reply. It didn't seem important. Maybe it's easier for both of us if we pretend it didn't happen?

No, I feel a tension in my chest. I don't want to forget it. I hate that my guilt is mainly stemming from the potential of hurting Eros, not from the actual act of cheating on him.

My mind has been a blur. I just want to get on with my life but I feel frozen and have been avoiding re-entering life outside of my little bubble. I haven't minded being alone, but my mental health could definitely be better. I just need a push of sorts, something to get the ball rolling.

I sigh when the first suggestion that comes to my mind is alcohol. You alcoholic bastard, I roll my eyes at myself. Drinking won't solve this problem.

I drag myself out of my room and into the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I wince. Definitely not looking my best currently. My clothes are crumpled due to wearing them for three days straight, my hair is a nightmare, and the bags under my eyes lead to the underworld itself.

Time to actually face your fears, I tell myself. No more avoiding. My beautiful face can't handle the lack of self-care.

I pull on a new shirt so I don't look like a corpse, arrange my hair to look less like I've been the victim of one of Zeus's thunderbolts, and stretch so my posture isn't that of a gorilla.

Okay, I decide. You're ready for re-entry of college life. Due to my concerning appearance and mental health that is pushing me towards the verge of a panic attack, I decide to drop by Circe's for some friendly advice. Hopefully she hasn't been too worried.