Olympus College

Withdrawals

Slight CW for mental breakdown/panic attack

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I shuffle grumpily around my bedroom, scouring my closet and dresser drawers for a pair of clean clothes and grumbling to myself as I do so. I re-wrap my towel around my waist and ruffle my dripping hair with my pruny hands, wishing to myself that I'd showered earlier in the day when I wouldn't have needed to rush. My half lidded eyes stunt me as I slam the closet shut, accidentally closing it over a few of my fingers.

"Fuck fuck fuck-" I whimper, cradling my stinging fingers as I drag myself to my bed and collapse atop of it.

It's the evening of the Gala, and I'm hardly ready. My anticipated excitement had all but died off by now, warded away by a thick ball of anxiety tightly sitting itself in my stomach. I've basically been rendered an emotional wreck ever since my encounter with Eros; all my suppressed guilt and fears re-surfacing and making my functioning poor at best. It's been near impossible for me to get a decent night of rest, or to remember to eat or drink as much as Circe would surely chastise me to.

My friends and Apollo have been worried about me of course, but there is hardly anything they can do. It's not as simple as a guilt ridden breakup, I've had plenty of those and have a healthy coping routine at this point.

This time, however... I'm playing a game with the gods. One god in particular, and I'm gravely afraid of the consequences. I've received one more letter from Aphrodite to this point, received on the day that I bumped into Eros. I've been petrified, unable to interact properly with my friends due to my guilt and fears overriding my mind and reminding me that I could cause their suffering of any kind.

They don't deserve that.

They don't deserve me.

As much as I've reminded them of this, they remain stubborn with their pursuits and have dropped by my house periodically to check up on my well-being, eliciting an oasis of temporary comfort. As much as I wish they would accept my attempts to space out our friendship, I appreciate them infinitely. I'm extremely lucky to have them.

I have been distancing myself from Apollo, and unlike the others I've been more resolute in my insistence that we interact less. Until the conflict with Aphrodite blows over, he's going to be her main target aside from me. Both of us understand this, so I think he's held more patience for me as I wallow in solitude. I miss our interactions, but I know it's for the best that we space ourselves out. Even if we end up losing...whatever we have, that's better than him getting hurt for my mistakes.

Regardless, due to some conspiring done by Circe, apparently I'm seeing him tonight. She informed him to: 'Help Hermes get ready for the gala since he's having Apollo withdrawals and is incapable of properly dressing himself due to his bout of Apollo depression'.

Her statement happens to be entirely incorrect, but I let her speculate. She wasn't wrong about the depression part. I'm sleep deprived and hardly awake enough to open my eyes, much less capable of arriving at the gala looking well-groomed. Plus, as much as I worry about him, I do miss Apollo. It's been almost two weeks since we've last talked, and a couple days more than that since we've hung out casually.

Shoving my thoughts aside and my anxiety deeper inside of me, I ignore my self-pity rant and force myself to stand. I'm already supposed to be at Apollo's; I don't have the time to sit around and mope.

I throw on some heavily wrinkled clothing, stepping on a tall pile of dirty laundry as I reach towards the top of the closet for my suit. As I grab it and rest the hanger on my arm, a glint of gold catches my eye.