Olympus College

Letter

My heart beats softly in my chest as I lay on my queen sized bed, staring up at my ceiling.  My gaze is focused, but my vision is blurred due to my mind being entirely somewhere else. Namely, Apollo.

I go over the past week in my head over and over again, trying to think of any hints or indicators that I had previously missed concerning Apollo and I having feelings for each other.

I don't know how aware he had been, but I certainly wasn't. Circe had sighed when I told her this, chastising me and insisting that I was just good at compartmentalizing, which is true.

"You just didn't want to accept it," she told me. "But it was so obvious how you felt that I simply can't believe that you didn't have some inkling of your feelings."

I sigh. She's as perceptive as always, and also incredibly correct. My mind is pulled to my conversations with him since the start of the year. He was annoying as fuck, but my attraction didn't spring out of nowhere.

And currently, I push away thoughts of Eros -(again utilizing my amazing compartmentalization skills)- and bask in the simple feeling of energy. Butterflies rise in my stomach, and I smile softly as I lie here.

As much as the circumstances of my feelings aren't splendid, I appreciate them anyhow. Placing my arms behind my head and closing my eyes, I relive our kiss on the mountain over and over again.

Interrupting my train of thought, my phone dings and I lean over to grab it. Unlocking it to see who messaged me, I drop it instantly.

Eros, I sigh internally.

I know it's not fair to drag things on with him, but to be frank I'm afraid to cut things off. He tends to react... with exuberance in any situation, so I don't know what he'll say when I break it to him that we're done.

We have been done from the start, I admit to myself.  I've never truly liked him the way he's expressed he has felt about me. It almost scares me the way I change around him. I become passive, and bland.  I do have a backbone, but around him it seems to vanish. There is a layer of guilt and anxiety shrouding me, and I feel too drained to speak up.

Maybe it's toxic, maybe it's not. But I know I need to get out. I owe it to myself, Eros, and Apollo.

Just not today, I decide. Another time.

Breathing in deeply, I sit up and run my hands through my tousled hair. I release my train of thought, and look around my cluttered room.

I've really got to clean out all of the trinkets, I realize. I can't return all of the stolen goods, so to the dumpster they go. I start pushing them off my desk, when there is a knock at the door.

Humming to myself, I walk towards the entrance, wondering who it is.

I open the door and peer outside, but there is nobody to be seen. Furrowing my brows and expecting a prank, I wait in the doorway for a few seconds for a figure to pop out and scare me with a few comical props. When a long moment passes, I frown in confusion and step outside my door to look around more throughly.

There is a crinkle of paper under my feet, and I look down to realize a letter has been placed at my doorstep. Humming in curiosity, I bend down and pick it up.

It's a small letter, about half the size of my hand. The envelope is a bright pink, with frilly edges and the entire thing encased in pink lace.  More than a little extra if you ask me, but I appreciate the effort.

I check the front and back of the envelope, but there is no address or any sort of indication who it was from or why it was left on my doorstep. Smiling in curiosity, I open the envelope and pull out a small heart- shaped piece of paper covered in the same pink lace.