FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

The Opportunity

umr guzregī imtihān meñ kyā

daaġh hī deñge mujh ko daan meñ kyā

Jaun Elia

May 2016

Manjiri couldn't believe her eyes. She read and re-read the email again. Still, she was full of disbelief. It couldn't be true. Things like this didn't happen to people like her. People like her had to struggle for everything and never got anything on the first try. So how could this be happening to her...Was she sleep-deprived, she asked herself? Quite possible. It was almost 10 pm and she had had a long tiring day. She rubbed her eyes and read the email again.

She read the email again.

This is further to the letter from our Deputy Director, Dr Dutta, informing you that your name has been recommended for further consideration for a Fulbright Foreign Language Teaching Assistant Program (FLTA) for nine months in 2016- 2017. academic year.

And again. She was required to fill yet another form, sit for the IELTS TEST, undergo a medical test and whatnot. But she had got through. She had applied on a whim. She remembered the day when she had applied. She was tired of the constant talks of her divorce and had begged the universe for a break when she learned about this fellowship. The deadline had been a few days away. She was sure she would not be selected but she still wanted to give it a try. She remembered all the running around she had to do to gather the documents. She had not told anyone- not even her parents. She was not sure how would they react to her leaving her secure job and going on a fellowship.

Manjari chewed her nails. A habit of hers since childhood when she was nervous. A habit her daughter had also picked up on. She was debating what to do. She would have to tell her parents now. Would they let her go? And what about her daughter... the ex-husband was still making her life miserable...and would definitely have a lot to say about her going off like this for a year.

She took a deep breath. The thought of being away from everyone for almost a year was tempting. God know she needed this break. She could do with some advice now. and like always, she turned to the Gohonzon. She chanted for a solid 30 minutes asking for clarity. Thirty minutes later, she was a lot calmer but still undecided about her future.

She heard someone knock at her door. Probably one of the parents checking on her. She opened the door and was proved right. It was her father. Manjiri took a good look at him. He was getting old and she firmly believed that her messy divorce had added more year to her father's face. Guilt overtook here again. She knew that she should not blame herself for her divorce yet she found herself doing exactly that. Maybe she should have been more patient, more accomodating...more anything as long as it spared her parents' the pain and the humiliation they had to bear because of her and her divorce.

Her father was a kind man. Never raised his voice or his hand. A strict father but a fair one. He was looking at her. "Why haven't you slept till now? You have a long day tomorrow...", he said. Manjari almost smiled. That was her father. Always concerned about everyone except himself.

"Couldn't sleep", she said. She took a deep breath. "Also I wanted to discuss something with you".

"What'?

She showed him the email. He looked at her and asked, "When did you apply?'

"Last year."

"Last year when?"

"After Samar's wedding".

"And you heard from them now?"

"Yes."

Right." He rubbed his chin. He got up and picked up his phone. A minute later Manjiri's phone pinged. There was a message on the family WhatsApp group from her father.

Family meeting. Now. Urgent.

Manjiri read the message and sucked her breath. Her eyes met her father's. They gave nothing away. Qe sera sera, she told herself as she followed him into the living room.