FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

The Wedding

merī har baat be-asar hī rahī

naqs hai kuchh mire bayān meñ kyā

Jaun Elia

December 2014

CHAPTER 1

Manjiri  was in her bedroom with her daughter, Amaira who was refusing to sleep. Amaira was five year old and was very excited about the wedding of her mamu- her mother's brother. Today was sangeet and Amaira had spent better part of the evening dancing to popular Bollywood numbers. Dressed in a yellow and peach lehnga, she had twirled around the dance floor till  Manjiri insisted that it was way past her bedtime and she should sleep.

"Why do I have to sleep"? asked Amaira petulantly." "Everyone is still up and I want to dance more."

Manjiri took a deep breath and said, "Don't you want to have fun tomorrow at the wedding? If you do not rest, you would be very tired for the festivities tomorrow. Sleep dear girl, so that you wake up fresh tomorrow."

Amaira shook her head and said, " I want to dance more. I am not tired at all".

Manjiri shook her head and firmly said, "no. Sleep time. Change into your night clothes and do not forget to brush your teeth".

Stomping her feet, Amaira finally deigned to heed to her mother. After changing her clothes and brushing her teeth, she jumped into the bed with her mother and demanded a story. Manjiri knew this was coming and told her again her favorite story of a girl who fell down the rabbit hole and and ended up in a strange world of rabbits and queens and  talking tea cups. Amaiar fell asleep within minutes and Manjari took a deep breath and rested her head against the headboard. She should go and join the festivities. She knew that but she did not want to. She was tired of the pity glances that had come her way along with the aggressive questions about her 'future' plans. Oh, she knew that all her relatives had boys lined up for her for her 'second' marriage, for her 'second' chance at happiness. It did not matter to them that she was happy as she was and had no intentions of ever getting married. Her wound from her first marriage had never healed. And therefore she was hiding. There were laughter, smiles, fun, music and dance all around her. But the sadness had never left her in the past eleven years. Why would it leave her today?

Not that you could ever find that out by looking at her.  Over the years, and particularly after her marriage and subsequent divorce, she had mastered the art of faking happiness. A smile here and there, a few jokes now and then. And everyone was satisfied.

Her cynical self began to laugh. Of all her siblings, she had been the one who had been a romantic through and through. She was the one who wished for her marriage to be based on understanding, compassion and more importantly love. She used to be so sure that hers would be a perfect marriage. All her dreams had crashed within hours of her marriage. But she had not lost hope. She was sure that she could make things work, that they would both change and be equally committed to make the union work. What a fool she had been...

Without warning, the tears began to stream down her cheeks. Manjiri did nothing to stop them. There was no point. She cried silently for the girl she used to be and the woman she had become. She cried for all her dreams that were shattered...she cried and cried. She knew that everyone was busy with wedding arrangements. No one would be checking on her anytime soon. She decided to not join the festivities again. She just couldn't bring herself to paste one more fake smile on her face and join in inane conversation. She changed out of her red and golden anarkali suit and got into her nightclothes. She washed her face, brushed her teeth and got into the bed with her daughter. She lay down on the bed and her thoughts immediately went to the argument she had had with her parents. She had not wanted to attend the wedding. She was very clear in telling them that she wanted to avoid gossip about her. But her request was denied. She was called selfish...to not attend her own brothers' marriage, to begrudge him his happiness, to be jealous of the new bride...the cruel words were like a punches in her stomach. But she refused to give in. She refused to go shopping for new clothes for the wedding but helped with wedding preparations. She killed herself going up and down the stairs overlooking the wedding preparations, distributing wedding cards, shopping for the new bride. All that was for naught because she had refused to attend the wedding. She had finally give in, like always. You could never win some wars. She was tired of the same arguments and wanted peace of mind.