FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

The Unexpected

bolte kyuuñ nahīñ mire haq meñ

aable paḌ ga.e zabān meñ kyā

-Jaun Elia 

Manjari walked into the living room and sat down on her usual seat. A small corner seat near the curtains. The curtains seemed to hide her in their folds. She waited for all other family members to come as she looked around the room. It had been her interrogation room for a long time. Every time she messed up be it her low grades, or her failing marriage or her failed marriage- she was put in docks here. The judge and the juries were her parents and her siblings, occasionally a neighbor or distant relative too. She was the black sheep of the family. The only divorced woman with a girl child. Her eyes watered up again as she relived the trauma of getting divorced. She bit her lips and tried to get her sentiments in control. No point coming across weak again. Better to grin it and bear it.

Her mother was the first one to arrive along with her youngest sister- Pallavi. A modal child. She was a successful entrepreneur and was married into a rich family. The fellow was of her choosing but from her caste. The next to come for her 'hearing' was her brother with his wife- Suhani. Suhani hated Manjari and her daughter Amaira. She saw them as parasites leaving off her husband. It did not matter that Manjari earned a five-figure salary and was financially independent. All that matters was that she was divorced and lived with her parents. So, she was a parasite. Her father was the last one to come. They sat all around her and Manjari sucked in a deep breath preparing herself for a berating. For a while, her father did not say a word. He was looking at her and she did not dare to meet his eyes. She was sure that he was disappointed in her. It was Pallavi who broke the silence by asking, "why did you call this meeting, Papa? Is everything alright?"

Her brother chipped in, "Is everything ok?" Her father took a deep breath and rubbed his face with both hands saying, "Manjari has something to share with all of you". In one accord, all eyes turned towards her. And she almost stopped breathing. In a distance, she heard her father say again her, "Go on. Tell them the news. We do not have all night. A decision must be taken."

Manjari felt tears behind her eyes. She blinked her eyes, refusing to give in to the urge to cry. She was the mother of a six-year-old child. If she could not fight for herself, how could it be expected for her to fight the battles for her child?

She took a deep calming breath and said in one go, " I had applied for a fellowship and have been accepted for it. The fellowship is for nine months and I would like to go."

Just as expected, she was bombarded with questions from everyone.

"Which fellowship?"asked her sister?

" Fulbright Fellowship. It is a very presti..." before she ocular finish, her brother cut her off

"Where are you going?"

"The university has not been....", again she was cut off. This time by her sister again.

"When did you apply?"

"Last year"."

Why did you not tell us"?, asked her brother.

"I did not even know if I would get it... I did not want to raise my hopes...", said Manjari in a low voice.

"How selfish of you..." That was Suhani. Manjari shook her head slowly. She would have laughed if she were not sure that it would make Suhani angrier. For as long as she could remember, her life had revolved around others. The decisions of her life had been taken by others. She had begged her parents to let her divorce her husband after two months of marriage. Just two months in her marriage and the physical and financial abuse had begun. She was told to think of her siblings. Who would marry the sisters of a divorced woman? So she stayed in that marriage, bore all kinds of abuses without saying a word till one fine day, her ex-husband just threw her and her daughter out of the house on the pretext of her having an affair with his colleague. She remembered the disgrace of attempting to defend her character in a court where it was was being torn into shreds. She remembered the shame she felt when she moved back to her parent's house because she had nowhere to go. The rumors about her, the chatter, the silent tears that she wept at night ...so that no one could see her fall apart...the sense of burden she felt.
Very consciously, she stopped making demands, stopped complaining and silence became her and she became the silence.
She had developed some some important skills too... like smiling and agreeing with everyone. Particularly when her friends would say that she was so lucky to have no man in her life and then go on to talk about the support their husbands provided. She just nodded her head when her sister would say that she wished she were divorced too. Manjari listened to everyone and never disagreed. She was the sister who had a lot of time in her hand because she was no longer married. She did not have the responsibilities of. Married woman. She had a lot of time to cook, to clean and to be a maang. After all, not having a husband meant that she had no work. She was the babysitter for all her nephews and nieces. Their parents 'deserved' some time off and who better to watch the 'little darlings' than their aunt! Her time, her money was never hers.

BUT this fellowship was. She had done it all by herself and she wanted to go. For the first time, in a long time, she wanted something. "Well, she can't go. I hope you have refused the offer". The moment Manjari heard these words, her head snapped up. It was her sister. Once upon a time, they used to be close. But not anymore. There was a gulf of her divorce between them.

"Who would take care of your daughter? I hope you are not expecting our parents to take care of your child in their old age. That would be so selfish of you..."

Manjari couldn't find fault with her argument. She bit her lip and felt dejection seep into her body. There was pin-drop silence after that.

"Well then, it's decided. Manjari would turn down the offer", said her father.

And just like that, another decision was taken for her. No one asked whether she wanted to go or not. She was just told the final decision and expected to follow through.

Manjari bit her lips and gathered her courage and said, "I wish to go. I can take Amaira with me..."

The silence in the room was deafening. Manjari could feel everyone's eyes on her. She took a deep breath and continued, "the fellowship would allow me to learn new skills, make new connections, get a better job. I want to go."

" How selfish of...", Suhani began to berate Manjari.

Manjari raise her head and looked at her. Her shoulders sagged in defeat.

She closed her eyes and despite her best efforts, silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Nobody was paying any attention to her when she heard her father's quiet voice saying, "Let Manjari go. And Amaira will go with her".

Immediately the room broke broke into a cacophony of noises. Her father raised his hand to silence everyone. " She WILL go".

"But..." her mother began to say.

"No ...Let her go. It's a wonderful opportunity for her."

Manjari looked at her father with tears in her eyes. He looked at her and said, "Make sure that your paperwork is complete and start packing".
As he left the room, he hoped that he was able to right some of the wrongs he had let happen. How he wished he could go back in time and get her married to somebody else.

After everyone had left and Manjari went back  to her room, allowing tears of gratitude and thankfulness to flow down her cheeks. She was going! Finally. She looked at the sleeping Amaira and kissed her on the cheeks before falling asleep with a smile on her face for a long time.

The next morning, Manjari woke up with a huge smile on her face the next day. She stretched her legs in darkness and mentally began to plan her day when her phone rang. Squinting her eyes, she checked her screen to see who was calling and immediately silence it. Not now. Not today.
Immediately her phone began to ring again. And again.