FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

March 2013

It was finally over. As Manjar istepped out of the courtroom, she was yet to make up her mind...should she be happy(good riddance to bad rubbish) or sad(after all her marriage had fallen apart!). Also she was tired...so tired...the sleepless nights, the whispers had finally take a toll on her. Her lawyer was 'congratulating' her. She said a hurried thank you and left. She needed to be alone to process all this. Her thoughts took her back to the lengthy court battle, the endless proceedings and all she could do was close her eyes. Ten years. She been married for ten years. She had gotten married after enrolling herself in Ph.d. Her parents were tired of waiting for her to finish her studies and told her that she could continue studying after her marriage.

Well, that never happened. Her life completely changed after marriage. The expectations of her in-laws, her ex-husband had from her slowly killed away all her dreams.. She had to de-register from Ph.d as she could not even finish her coursework. She was working but like any other working woman in India, it was expected fo her to manage the household chores, serve the guests, manage the whims and the fancies of her husband with a smile on her face.  And she had tried. Seriously. She scarificed everything and changed herself completely to find out that her husband was cheating on her. That had been the last blow. She had found out about the affair after her daughter was born. When she confronted her husband, he accused her of not being able to 'satisfy' him. It was only later that she found out that she was his girlfriend from college and he had only married her for her money. The money that he had taken from her and spent on himself and his girlfriend. She had stopped caring if the marriage worked or failed after finding out the affair.  He had broken her compleetly by then. She remembered the abuse, the first push, the first slap, the first yanking of her hair....it was stored in her memory with a jarring clarity.  She had put up with all this. She. She who used to lecture her students to not take any abuse from anyone, to never acrifice their self-worth for anything, to always manage their finances....how the mighty had fallen, she thought wryly.

She clearly remembered the day when she was cruelly thrown out of her marital house with her daughter. She had only three hundred rupees with her at that time and a young daughter to take care of. She was grateful to her parents for taking her and her daughter in. It would not have been easy for them. The divorce battle had lasted for two years. He had proved to be more vengeful than she had imagined. She had been genuinely happy when she was forced to leave her marital home. She had left it twice before and begged her paents to let her divorce him. But they had staunchily refused and sent her back after two months to face more.

The divorce case had lasted for two years and a lot had changed in these two years. She no longer had stars in her eyes. She did not trust people at all and the wall erected around her heart was impenetrable. She had sworn to herself that she would not be hurt like that again. Financiall,y she was in a better position. She had  a roof over her head and a stable job. Her sole concern now was to provide a safe haven to her daughter to grow up in.  She had to make sure of that.  But emotionally she was scarred for life.

She knew her ex-husband was getting married in  a few months. It was to be an April wedding. He was getting married to his long time girlfriend. What an irony! According to the evidences submitted against her, she was the adultress in the marriage! She wished him all the best.  There paths were separate now. All she wanted was a peaceful existence with peope who understood her. She was never getting married again or even dating.

She didn't think she had in her to love again.

TO BE CONTINUED