Not So Innocent ~Spencer Reid~

epilogue

5 years later

"You have a visitor, Y/l/n."

You nod your heavy head, not bothering to look up at the man talking. Several people have come to see you over the last 5 years. Mostly those who found out you ratted on the gang and were doing research about the Daminos.

You've been held in protective custody in prison for 4 years. Once everyone found out you ratted on your own gang, they wanted your head. Protective custody is better than having a cell mate, you'd rather be alone and you know maybe not murdered in prison... but the thoughts in your head are the only company except for when the guards need you.

Your sentence kept getting shorter once new information came out about how you really got into the gang and why you did the horrible things you did. A big part of you thinks you deserve to be in prison for the 30 years they were giving you. Then the 15 made sense too, just didn't seem a fit punishment. And now the 10 feels too minor. The things you did in those days haunts your mind and you know you deserve every punishment you get.

But the thing that creeps into your thoughts, eating at your existence is what you did to Spencer Reid. You used him, lied to him, manipulated him, and worst of all, you fell in love with him. Getting involved in your life was the worst thing he could've done... that man, he was broken... he thought he was beyond repair. But you know he's better than that. He's perfect in his own shattered way. It kills you knowing that you couldn't help, knowing that you added to his pain. Spencer saved you, but you ruined him...

You stand up from the bed, allow the guard to hand cuff you and lead you to the room where you're supposed to be talking to whoever is needing you. You remember the first time you were in this room... Spencer Reid had talked to you. He told you he wanted to help get you out of here sooner. You didn't deserve his help, but he helped you anyway. How could someone who's gone through so much be such an angel?

After you're securely handcuffed to the table once again, a blonde and brunette duo walk into the room. You recognize them immediately. Agent Jareau and Agent Prentiss.

"Let's get straight to the point," the highly attractive brunette says, "You could be released soon. The trial is in a week, and they'll decide if you can be let out or not."

"As much as you don't particularly deserve it," the also high attractive blonde speaks with a cold tone, "the court feels for you. We understand that you didn't have a choice to do the things you did to those people, but lying and manipulating the kindest man anyone can ever meet is-"

"JJ," Prentiss puts her hand on Jareau's.

You hang your head down like a dog, knowing she's right. You hurt her best friend, the man everyone loves, the genius boy who's been hurt over and over again, the one guy who saw you for something other than a piece of ass or a knife handler.

Prentiss tells you a bit more information about the court hearing and they turn around, ready to head out of the door.

"If I could take back everything I did, I could. Especially what I did to Spencer..." you say, looking up at JJ and Prentiss through your eyelashes. You're trying to keep your tears from spilling over, because if you start crying now, you'll never stop.

They nod their heads once and walk out. Everything in you is dying to ask for Spencer. To ask to see him one more time, to touch his face and try to muster up the words to express how much regret aches in your bones.

You're being released from prison tomorrow. Since no one is here to take you, a few agents of the BAU will be driving you to a new apartment. Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss will be escorting you.

You'll be monitored by an officer; he'll be checking up on you every week, notified every time you make a purchase or go anywhere, and you're not allowed to see anyone, other than your landlord, unless he is present. Basically, Officer James is your babysitter. It's still better than you deserve...

You don't fall asleep at all. Which is normal, but you'd think you'd be tired from years of literal imprisonment. Rather than excitement, dread keeps you awake. Dread of seeing the angry faces of the agents again. Dread of being on your own again. Dread of knowing Spencer Reid is only 200 miles from your apartment. Dread of knowing you're being released when you've done unmentionable things.

"Y/n!" Your name is yelled before Derek Morgan can get you in the back seat. "Y/n!" Spencer runs up to you, out of breath, hair a mess. He's perfect. Five years later he's still perfect and hasn't aged a day.

Spencer ignores the "You can't be here," from Emily and the "Reid, no," from Morgan.

"I," he breaths. Instead of finishing his thought, he wraps his arms around you. You immediately fall into him. Being wrapped in his embrace is like you're back home again, with your mom and dad on a Saturday morning, the smell of waffles pouring into the house. He's warm, and comforting, and he's Spencer.

Tears you didn't even know you were crying spill onto his jacket. He pulls away. You can barely look at his face.

"For the first time ever, I can't seem to speak right," Spencer says. "So..." he hand you a note. "Don't read it until you get to your new place."

You nod your head, looking down at the note instead of his sparkling hazel eyes. He lifts your chin to face him. The eye contact is enough for words. The purple under his eyes seem to be as prominent as yours. His hair is longer, falling all sorts of ways that still find a way to be prefect. He's so beautiful.

"We've got to go," Morgan says. You nod your head, so does Spencer. He steps back and begins walking away. You'll never know if he'll settle down and get married one day, or if he'll have mini geniuses to smile at as they do what they love. Or if he'll ever calm down just once and relax. But at least you know he loved you. You didn't have to read the letter to know it.

"Y/n,
You changed me. Maybe in a bad way, maybe not. All I know is that in all my years of living I'll never know as much as I thought. Because I didn't know what love could make us do. Love made me hate you. Love made me want to see you again. Love made show up at the prison. Love made me realize I needed to help you. And love made me say goodbye now. You were everything I'd always wanted, but turns out things aren't always as they seem. I'm glad you're safe now. I wish you the best, because I still think you deserve the world.
- SR"

Tears fall onto Spencer's messy writing, causing the ink to smudge a little. You fold the paper and put in under your pillow. If you didn't have anything, at least you had him at one point... and he would always have you.