Unconditional [Namjin FF]

His Thoughts

NAMJOON

It has been a whole week since I saw Seokjin. And honestly, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought of him. He just came into my mind and never left it. I have been finding excuses to get a glimpse of him every day. I don't know how but seeing him just once brightens my day. The first few days I just wanted to see him and casually waited near his classes. But as the days passed it became my habit, I couldn't go about my day without seeing his face. 

I turned around to face the window. It's Sunday and a bit warmer than the rest of the days. I still haven't come up with an idea about how to apologize to Seokjin. Every time I face him, I become speechless. I can't process my thoughts in words and end up being an even bigger jerk. 

"Hey, you are Namjoon right?" I turned around and to my utmost surprise, it was Seokjin standing there. "Ye-Yes" "I need to find the office. I can't find Hobi and Yoongi, so can you help me?" His voice was so soft and angelic that for one moment I forgot where I was and just kept staring at him. "SangHoon?" He snapped me back to reality. "I.. um.. office... I don't know. I have classes I need to go"  and I just ran away, leaving him standing there like a complete fool. 

I feel embarrassed by even thinking about that day. Seokjin must hate me now. Why am I such a big fool? I have to find a way to make things right. My train of thoughts was disrupted by a knock on the door and Jungkook entered the room.

"Hyung, did you take your medicines?" He asked sitting on the bed near my feet. "Yes. How's your school going?" "Good. You know there are two new students in our class. They are twin brothers, but they don't look alike. They have come a  few weeks ago from Ulsan." I sat up to face him. "Are you helping them?" He shifted a bit closer to the window. "Yes. The teacher assigned me to take care of them. And we have become good friends." He looked so happy narrating his school episode. We sit every Sunday afternoon to talk about our school and college. "Hyung, I was thinking if I can call them home. They are new and don't have any friends other than me. And I really like them. We can do our homework and study together." He knows if he mentioned studies there are higher chances of me saying yes to his request. "Okay, you can call them. How about this Tuesday?" I had to compile, he is so cute. "I'll ask them if they are free." His face lit up. "But you'll still have to ask Eomma okay?" I reminded him. "Ah, I know. By the way Hyung you know they too have an older brother. And he is in the same college as yours and even the same year. Don't you think we should call him too?" "Why would you call him? He's older than you." "Aish for you. You can have a new friend." "You know Kookie, I don't want to make new friends" I can never understand what goes on inside this boy's head. "Please Hyung. You always say that we should help others. And that Hyung is new here, he may not have any friends. So don't you think you should help him?" He pleaded with his big doe eyes, and I knew I couldn't disagree. He was my biggest weakness. Since the day he was born, there is nothing that he has asked and I didn't give him. I wanted to keep him happy no matter what. "Okay. You can call him too" I replied with a sigh. "Thank you so much!" He jumped to hug me. "Aye aye... It's okay. Now go to sleep" "Okay Okay. I love you Hyung" "Love you too" Jungkook left, shutting the door behind him.

I was once again left in the silence with my thoughts. Life moves so fast. I was in college before I knew, the two years of my high school passed faster than a storm wind. A lot has happened and it happened so fast. I saw my world crumbling around me, it still is, every day it's growing smaller and smaller. And one day it will vanish. One good thing that life taught me in the past two years is 'Live to the fullest, till you have the life'  That's why I try my best to hold onto each moment for a longer time. I have pushed away from the people who love me and care for me. I still miss Seojun. I wish I could have our friendship back. The days we spent roaming around the whole day, riding cycles, sleeping at each other's place. He was my first ever friend, actually, he is more than a friend, he's my brother. We had each other's back in every situation. We lied and fought together. I picked up our framed picture from the desk table. I wish I could just run to him and hug him now. But I know I can't. I can't hurt him again. Not after the way he was shattered the last time.

SEOK JIN

I was sprawled on the sofa watching TV, but my mind was wandering somewhere else. I really don't understand the problem with this guy Namjoon. He is rude to me for no apparent reason. What did I ever do to that boy, that he leaves me standing there like a complete idiot? At first, I thought maybe he's just shy and has a problem communicating with strangers. But the incident of last day convinced me he has some attitude problem. I don't know why I make a fool of myself purposely. I can just go about my day without finding excuses to listen to his deep husky voice, without noticing how soft his sweater feels, and resist my urge to run my hands through them, without seeing his dimple smile and flustered face... Ugh, where am I going? Didn't that boy make me enough embarrassed that I'm purposely looking for more? I know I should hate him for the way he treats me, but I just can't. 

It sucks right now because Yoongi and Hobi have gone on a movie date. They had invited me too, but something told me that it was a date and I should give them privacy. They already do so much to make me comfortable and make sure I'm never left alone. So, this time I had to let them enjoy their date. 

The boys aren't even at home. I don't know where they are and what they are doing. It's 7 o'clock in the evening. Should high schoolers stay out this late after their school? I switched the channel to look for something interesting. After 10 minutes the front door opened and entered the two biggest brats. 

"Where were you both this late?" I questioned them immediately after they entered the living space. They are still in their high school uniform. "Why are you still in your uniforms? Does Eomma knows that you two went somewhere right after school?" "Hyung relax. We'll tell you everything" Jimin said picking up the water bottle from the table. Tae jumped onto the sofa beside me. "We were with Jungkook" Tae said coming closer to me. "And who is this Jungkook?" Jimin sat on the floor as there was no space on the sofa. "He's in our class and our only friend. He helps us with the notes, classes, and everything. We hang out with him every day and today we just got a bit late." Jimin explained the whole thing to me. "Oh. That's nice. It's good to see you good-for-nothing brats making friends and enjoying." "Thanks, Hyung," Tae said rolling his eyes. "By the way why are you at home now? Shouldn't you be hanging out with your friends?" Tae scooted even closer. "No. Yoongi and Hobi went on a movie date so I'm home today." "Awe! Hyung when are you going to find a boyfriend?" Jimin's eyes were shining on me. "I don't know" "You like someone?" "Not really..." "Hmmm... okay" It seemed he suspected something. Did I really expose myself? "Boys change your clothes and wash yourselves. Dinner is ready" Eomma called from the kitchen. "Yes mom" We said in unison and got up. "By the way Hyung, Junkook has invited us to his house tomorrow evening he has asked us to bring you too. He too has an older brother same college and year as yours. You can be friends" I was not really sure if I wanted to go or not. But Jimin looked really eager to take me there. "C'mon don't think too much. If you have another friend you won't lay bored all day long when Hobi and Yoongi Hyung have some other work" Well Tae was right. Hobi's sister is taking them shopping tomorrow, it will be another date. "Umm, you are right. I will go with you guys"