Unconditional [Namjin FF]

Not As It Seemed

SEOKJIN

I still love Namjoon. Those words were hammering in my head. I couldn't understand one simple thing if Namjoon liked Moon, why did he even propose to me? Were all those words he said to me empty? I never would have imagined that he would turn out like this, yet here I am sitting in an empty park, crying violently as the rain poured down. I was sobbing uncontrollably and was all alone once again. Namjoon had come with a hope that my life could be better, that I too was capable of love. Was all of this a joke to him? 

***

I haven't stepped out of my room for two whole days. I know I am worrying everyone a lot, but I couldn't care less. I don't want to face anyone or talk to anyone, I just ate snacks all day and cried myself to sleep. I know I shouldn't be like this, but I can't help it either. There is nothing I could do to compel me to get up and go about my day. I was angry but more than that I was heartbroken and sad. I had failed at the very first chance of love, a chance which I thought would bring me comfort and joy. I was starting to doze off, but a loud knock on my door woke me up. I didn't immediately respond but when the knocking didn't stop I shouted to go away. "Seokjinah it's us. Minki and me, please open the door." Hoseok's voice came from the other side of the door. I didn't really want to talk to them, but there were a lot of questions to which I wanted answers, so I opened the door.

NAMJOON

I know I fucked up real bad and probably by now Jin hates me. I don't blame him for anything, and maybe it's good that he hates me. I should have been more careful, then maybe I wouldn't have broken his heart, which broke mine too. It has been weeks since I have been to college, I can't face him, yet I want to meet him. I want to hold him, hug him, listen to him talking. I would have done all these if the situation was different. 

I thought of paying a visit to Aunt Maria. The drive up there was torture. The last time, he was there with me. Talking laughing the whole way, the empty seat bothered me a bit too much as memories came back like a flood of that day.
"Where's your boyfriend?" I was sitting alone at a corner table by the window. There were not a lot of customers today only a handful. Aunt Maria came and sat in the opposite chair. 
"We... broke up" My voice was small. "¡ay Dios mío! Why my child? What happened. Only that day you two were sitting here giggling. What happened all of a sudden?" She seemed so shocked. "I messed it up. I shouldn't have started all of this in the first place." 
"And why do you think that you shouldn't have started it?" 
"You know why. You know why I shouldn't be doing things like these. You know why I shouldn't be close to anyone." I was on the verge of crying. 
"No, I don't. I don't know the reason you shouldn't be making friends. I also don't know the reason why you shouldn't fall in love and live your life like other kids" 
"Because I'll hurt them! I'm not sure how long I will live. I will end up hurting them. I... " I couldn't continue anymore, I started crying. She got up from her seat and wrapped me in a hug. "It's okay. It is okay to be scared, but don't let that spoil everything for you. Do you want to die regretting things you never did? Go out have fun. People want you, people want to see you smile and have fun. Do you think that they are okay seeing you punishing yourself like this?"
"But what if... You know what happened with Seojun..." I said pulling away and wiping my eyes. "Namjoon, you pushed Seojun away, and I still do not approve of it. Stop pushing people away, it would do no good. Don't you miss Seojun? And don't you love Seokjin?" She asked, rubbing my shoulders. "I do. I want to talk to them. But what do I do? I messed up." 
"Talk, talking solves a lot of things."

When I got home, Jin, Minki and Hoba were sitting in the living room.

***

SEOKJIN

"What do you want?" I asked them as soon as they entered the room. "We were worried about you. You didn't pick up our calls, nor did you come to college" Hoseok said in a concerned tone. "And you are worried all of a sudden?" I was being ruder than I had actually meant to. "Calm down a bit Seokjin. At least ask us to sit. We came the other day and you weren't home, what are we supposed to do? You don't even pick up calls!" Yoongi was getting mad too. But I was madder so I yelled at them, "Yes what are you supposed to do? You weren't supposed to tell me about him before. And why would you maybe you planned to do all this together, after all, you are friends.  So how does it feel huh? Seeing me like this? I thought you were my friends. I trusted you guys, and you did this to me." I ran out of breath ranting all this. 
"We are sorry, we didn't think things would go this way " Hoseok started but I didn't even let him finish. "So what did you think how will it go? He would get away with cheating with me?" 
"Wait what cheating?" Both of them exclaimed in surprise. "Ah... Don't give that expression now! Did you really think I would never find out?"

"I don't know from where you got that from, but Namjoon would never ever do that" The serious look on Yoongi's face made me question my accusation. "Let's just sit down and talk this thing out," Hoseok suggested as Yoongi looked clearly mad now. I told them how I had been to Moon's house and she told me that she still loves Namjoon. "And you thought that he liked her back? I mean don't you trust him a bit? Seokjin he loves you and he still does. It broke him to hurt you like this. He is no different from how you are right now. He wishes he could undo all that and you are sitting here blaming him for something he didn't even do?" I honestly felt guilty. Yoongi was right, how could I believe anything anyone said? I was being stupid, I didn't have any right to accuse him of cheating. "So... why did he?" And what Hoseok told me was the worst nightmare of my life. "You see, that's why he doesn't make a lot of friends. He doesn't get close with people anymore. We thought you were the chance, you could help him enjoy his life. He was different around you. You were the only person whom he dared to love and believe me he still does love you." I had been so wrong. How could I even think of such things? I jumped to ridiculous conclusions without knowing anything. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn't look into their eyes. 
"What do I do now?" I asked breaking down again. "First go wash your face, get into some better clothes and then let's go and pay the jerk a visit," Yoongi said with a grin.