[dreamnotfound] forever yours, George

two

september 9th, 2009.

the first words you said to me
were
"i think i've seen you before."

i don't think you would remember or care about such a silly thing, though. the only reason i know that's what you told me is because a couple weeks ago, i dug up my old grade 8 journal and flipped through.

the first two pages, along the margins and corners, were scribbles and traces of
"i think i've seen you before."

little dots
all over the pages
i think they were your freckles.

some pages were ripped
some had drawings
some had stories and poems and scenes.

do you remember my favourite colour?
or why i loved it so much?
i bet you do. i hope so. i imagine that you do.
it's blue. blue like the sky, the satin summer heat on september 9.
blue, like the lines on the soft paper in my journal.

you snapped your pencil that day, and i gave you one of mine. Ms Stevens didn't let you throw away your two halves of a pencil, though, so i gave you some of my blue tape to stick it back together indefinitely. you nodded at me and smiled with your eyes.

Ms Stevens asked us to write our three favourite things in the world in our journals, and then read them out to the class. my heart beat hard in my chest, but i wrote them down. and this

-my cat
-strawberries
-romance novels

was my list. when i read it out to the class, nobody really cared. we were children. we were young and stupid. nobody cared, it was the first day of school. i was worried for nothing.

"my guitar, my lime green socks, and drawing." you had said.

i thought your list was cute. you sat across from me when you sat back down, but you didn't look at me. i peeked, and i saw your handwriting. it was messy, and it was cute.

everything about you was cute.

was i cute to you, Clay? was my awkward way of talking in my strange, foreign accent cute?

i don't know. it's stupid. i'm so stupid for you.

forever yours,
George