[dreamnotfound] forever yours, George

eleven

dear Clay,

this is the final letter i'm choosing to write to you.

eleven letters. eleven letters explaining to you everything that i've ever felt important to tell you, even though i could've written hundreds upon thousands more to summarize every moment.

but i cant.

a lot of my life is yours to discover, but some of it is mine to hide.

if you're reading these, i'm gone.

i love you, so much. i love every inch of your body and every cell that you're made of and every ounce of your blood. i love thinking about you and imagining you in front of me.

never forget me, please.

always remember me as your George. as the boy who fell in love with you from the minute he saw you, the boy who grew up admiring you and left admiring you.

never forget how much i love you. how you helped me cling on.

i'll always be with you. that's what these letters are for, Clay. for me to tell you and you to remember.

i'm leaving, and here is why.

i cant do it anymore.
i cant hold onto whatever future is coming my way
and i cant prepare myself for the real world.
i can't let you live with someone who hides so much from you
you deserve so much.
not some random boy who was lucky enough to catch your eye
not some depressed piece of shit to lug around as a weight on your shoulders
i don't deserve you, either.
you're too perfect for such a simple world
i never really got a grasp on your entire being
i never believed you were real
i always took you for granted.

don't come after me. don't chase me down this path.

Clay, you're my everything.

forever yours,
George