The Worst PJO Fanfic Ever

WE HAVE A LUXURIOUS SHIP NOW UWUWUWUWUW1!!!1111!!!

"Ok, so since you guys are morons, I've outlined the quest for you," the author explained, rolling out a fairly-sized map on the ping pong table in the big house. 

She slammed her hand down on a small island labelled 'Shrekland'. "This is the secret base of the villains. Your task is to find it and flex all your cool powers on us by destroying it so thoroughly not even a speck of dust remains there. However, since you are very merciful and kind to everyone, you'll save everyone there before wiping out the secret base. Got it?"

"Got it!" I cheered, pumping my fist in the air. "This is going to be super hard but I'll definitely ace it, for I am Evangel Seminary and I have the power of friendship!" 

"Swoon!" The boys swooned. 

I blushed. 

Annabeth, Piper and basically every other girl looked jealous. 

"NOW SHOO!" The author waved her hands at us impatiently.

"But what about transportation?" asked Annabeth stupidly. 

"I HAVE RENTED A GIANT LUXURIOUS BOAT BIGGER THAN THE PRINCESS ANDROMEDA FOR YOU TWITS," the author informed us in a very kind manner. "NOW GO."

We Naruto ran out of the Big House, feeling very hopeful about our quest. 

- time skip brought to you by a burnt chicken - 

All of the quest members stood on the shore of Long Island Sound, staring at a luxurious boat that wasn't there. 

"Ah yes, we must have forgotten that the author is a scam artist," said Jason, stroking his chin.

"UGHHHH, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW????" Annabeth whined, clutching onto Percy's shirt like the little brat she is. Rolling her dull, dreary gray orbs, she stomped on her own face because even she thought it was too ugly. 

Percy shook her off like a bug. "Stop clinging to me, Annabeth, you're so annoying. Anyways, gorl, Evangel's the only one for me now."

Annabeth burst into tears with a jealous look on her face. 

Nico took a large bite out of the ocean. 

Poseidon emerged out of the waves, looking incredibly mortified.

"UNCLE POSEIDON," I roared adorably. "COULD YOU PLEASE GET US SUPER LUXURIOUS MAGIC BOAT FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WONDERS AND LARGE BEDROOMS FOR ME AND NICO AND THE OTHER QUEST MEMBERS BECAUSE I'M GENEROUS AND STUFF?" 

"CERTAINLY, MY DEAR NIECE," Poseidon shrieked back. He snapped his crusty sea-salt-smelling fingers and a colossal cruise ship the size of 4367217849231147830134780143780148370 Empire state buildings put together materialized, bobbing on the waves. 

The Author farted in pure glee, "I am aware that such a boat would sink immediately. BUT THIS IS FOR PLOT PURPOSES, SO JUST GO WITH IT."

Nico grabbed me in his strong muscly arms and soared up to the deck of the ship like Syndrome from the Incredibles. He leaned in for a disgustingly passionate and sugary kiss, his warm poo-brown orbs boring into my gorgeous soul. 

"AYOOOOO," screeched Shrek, who was chilling in the hot tub regardless of the weather. 

Nico and I pulled apart cutely, both incredibly flustered. As I walked away to help the other quest members onto the ship, an idea blossomed in his head. He leaned in once more and whispered in my ear, "Your eyebrows are on fleek."

"Gross," whispered the author, who was also chilling in the hot tub.

"Oh my!" I swooned bravely, my perfectly smooth cheeks turning a light shade of sunset-pink. 

"How is that even possible?" Percy asked, watching my amazingly amazing self from a corner. 

"PERCYYYYY," Annabeth whined, trying to steal his attention from me. 

Percy punched her in the face and smacked her with a fly swatter. "Stop being such a little brat," he hissed in a Shrekesque tone. 

The readers silently exchanged popcorn. 

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A gloomy person in a gloomy room was staring at a dimly lit crystal ball, the only source of light in the room. 

The gloomy figure heard the clack of a door being opened. Another equally gloomy figure entered the room. 

"What visions have you seen?" Gloomy figure 2 asked Gloomy figure 1, who was staring at the crystal ball with a very serious look on their face. 

"Don't be a poo, Gloomy figure 2, the crystal ball is a nightlight," Gloomy figure 1 said. 

"Oh yeah."

"However, I have been seeing visions in my cereal bowl lately. Visions of the Evangel gang on their little quest, to be exact."

"Do enlighten me," Gloomy figure 2 replied, interested. 

"All in good time, my good fellow gloomy figure. As of now, all you need to know is that everything is going exactly according to plan."

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(A/N: HELLO PEOPLE SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THE EVANGEL BOOK FOR SEVERAL MONTHS OR ONE MONTH OR SEVERAL WEEKS I HAVE LITERALLY NO IDEA. 

YOU ARE WELCOME TO RESENT ME IF YOU WISH. I WAS TIRED AND UNMOTIVATED AND WAS CREATING A STORY WHERE HAGRID IS THE CHOSEN ONE INSTEAD OF HARRY. I MIGHT PUBLISH THAT ONE AFTER EVANGEL. 

SORRY THIS CHAPTER WASN'T CRACKY ENOUGH, I'M STILL TRYING TO RECOVER FROM HIATUS. 

OK GOODBYE *drowns in hot tub*)