I gasped. I can't possibly be the daughter of Zeus!
"And your mother, Queen/Empress/Lady Twilight Valorious Sparkle, patron of MLP, bringer of cutie marks," Chiron bowed again.
I gasped. I can't possibly be the daughter of Twilight Sparkle.
"Yes you are, deal with it," said the author.
"Okay," I agreed sassily.
"Chiron, surely there has been a mistake! I mean, she's so pretty and wonderful, and now she's got two godly parents - oof!" Clarisse started forward, only to be hit in the noggin with a plastic shield.
"Deal with it, I SAID," the author snapped.
I started sobbing tears of elation. Like, I'm strong and all, but I'm so happy and stuff because Twilight Sparkle is like, my mother.
"Are you alright?" Nico muttered huskily, throwing huskies into the sky.
"Y-yes, but there has to be a mistake, I'm too pretty and perfect and smart and powerful and ORDINARY to be the daughter of these brilliant deities, it's not meant to be-" I sobbed, smiling like a fool, yes, but a pretty fool.
"Evangel, remember, have you ever done something that signified your demigodishness?" Chiron squealed, dancing until his butt fell off and flew into orbit.
I did the typical 'thinking' pose all cartoon characters do, with one hand positioned under my chin and the other one cupping my elbow.
A large thought bubble appeared above my head and the camera panned towards it.
I remembered the stern yet dumb face of Zeus when I was born, as he struck the earth with his 600+ plus damage bolts and screeched the lyrics to the coconut song, but somehow saying that I would one day become the ruler of everything.
I remembered everything I've ever done because I have SUPA MEMORY.
I remembered my 1 year old self wielding lightning bolts and using them to strike down mobs of evil superheroes as I quirkily nibbled on hors d'oeuvres, purple alicorn wings sprouting from my shoulderblades.
"Omg I totally remember it now," I announced nerdily.
"Omg yay," Chiron UwUed aggressively.
"Fart," the author screamed calmly.
"Omg I'm like soo jealous but I'll repress it for now," said Jessica supportively.
"Omg we're so jealous," all the girls at camp recited in a monotone, even Annabeth and Piper and Hazel and Silena and Clarisse. "She's totally a perfect gurl but she's like ugly and too overpowered, the boys are gonna love her."
Right on cue, all the boys began fangirling.
"She's like hot and stuff," all the boys at camp recited in a monotone.
"Omg we're soo jealous," said all the girls.
"Oh my," I gasped beautifully.
The boys began putting bouquets of flowers between their werewolf fangs and started serenading me on guitars and tubas, all of them except for Nico. He was glowering at them with seething rage, his eyes glowing bright red and his teeth growing sharper.
He raced towards me and shielded me with his body.
"No one touches Bella - sorry, Evangel - without my permission," he growled, blowing his nose crankily.
"Edward," all the boys scowled threateningly. Then they lunged, claws outstretched.
"Oh my," I gasped beautifully.
"Campers, STOP!" Chiron pleaded as the werewolf boys, like Percy, Leo, Frank, Malcolm, *lists every boy at camp except for Jason because he's technically her half-brother and I do not agree with something as gross as that* jumped at Nico's throat.
Nico was about to get ripped to pieces! He was bravely holding his ground gallantly, but if this went on for any longer, he was going to be reduced to handsome shreds!
"STAHP, BRUH," I jumped up and did a twirl, transforming into my warrior princess form. My armor was shiny and fashionable, with a tomboyish crest on the front. I stretched out my hands and the werewolf boys stopped, leaving Vampire Edward/Nico the only one standing.
"Omg," said everyone.
"GO TO SLEEP," Chiron screamed through a megaphone.
"Is that a vine?" I asked relatably.
"GO TO SLEEP," Chiron said, just a little more murderously.
"Okay, okay, jeez," grumbled the campers, reverting back to their human/demigod forms, their eyes dimming. As we walked back to the cabins, many boys smiled at me, ignoring their totally jealous girlfriends whose eyes flashed evilly as they walked past.
A blonde with grey eyes glared at me enviously. I stepped forward, intimidating her, and she ran off to her own cabin. Jessica Zoella Moonlight whats-her-name grinned. "You've really made an impression today, Evangel," she nudged me with her elbow, pointing at Nico, who was sitting by himself on a bench, looking quite forlorn.
(A/N: Yes, I forgot Jessica's full name. Give it a rest.)
"Omg I gotta check on him okay? Jessica, gurl, you can go to the Hermes cabin and sleep with them, I'mma go check on Nico because boys before besties UwU," I said quirkily.
Jessica walked off, doing some sort of belly dance.
"Hey, Neeks?" I asked, taking a seat next to him. I was careful to keep my distance, he might not want to sit with me after all. Unexpectedly, one of Nico's many tentacles shot out and pulled me close. I could hear the beating of his ice cold heart, and his slow, steady, vampirey breathing.
"Evangel," he screamed shyly.
"NICOOOO BOYYY," the author cannonballed into the bushes. We ignored them and kept looking into each other's eyeballs.
Nico's orbs reflected the billions of stars that were up in the sky tonight. They glinted and flashed, sparkling to Nico and I's synchronized heartbeats. "Oh, Nico," I grunted daintily.
The last thing I felt before I drifted was Nico's eyelash on my eardrum.
( "I couldn't bear to write a kissing scene," the author announced, swinging several bags of her own vomit into the trash.
"Huh," the readers replied halfheartedly, getting ready to smash their devices on their windowsills. )
A/N: Thanks for reading. If you kill me for writing Nico x Evangel, I will gladly let you. But your loss, you'll miss out on the plot twist at the end. Deal with it.
*pushes Evangel off tower*
YOU ARE READING
The Worst PJO Fanfic Ever
FanfikceHi, my name's Evangel Mary Sue Electra Ocean Lightning Otrera Skylar Melody Seminary, and I'm 14 years old. This is the story of how I became a demigod. (This is a crackfic, don't worry.)
