The Worst PJO Fanfic Ever

I DEFEAT A MONSTER AND BECOME TOP OF THE CLASS!???

Jessica-Rachel and I walked down the hall to our next class, Greek Mythology, which is totally a course that is offered in every school.

I opened the door and went in. My sea green orbs scanned the room, where thirty-or-so people were sitting in tiny chairs but they're irrelevant so never mind.

Then it hit me. OH NOOOO I WAS LAAATEEE!!!!! AAAAAAHHH! I gulped adorably and went up to the teacher, who was James Bond and Kylo Ren's love child.

"Good morning, Mr Poopadrillette," I addressed him. Mr Poopadrillette smiled at me because I was the only one who was able to pronounce his full name in the class.

"Yes, Poopadrillette is his full name," the author's best friend said from the back of the class. "Just deal with it, man."

"Hey Evangel, my homegirl. Got a question?" He busted out some makeup palettes and started refreshing the lipstick he had applied on his ears.

 I beamed radiantly at him. 

"Well, Sir, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for being late," my golden locks rippled slowly behind me like I was Pocahontas or something while a vulture belched with joy and landed on my head in a Snow White-ish fashion. 

Mr Poopadrillette was about to say something (I'm sure he was going to excuse me and bestie from tardiness), when a loud crash resonated through the room.

My stepdad Geeb Poogliano stormed through the broken window. "SUP FOLKS," he blabbered and let out a thunderous fart. A pale boy with jet-black hair who was sitting in the first seat jumped up and drew a black iron sword from his belt. "You have no business here, Minotaur-Fury-Cyclops hybrid," he snarled handsomely. 

"Stahpppp!!!" I cried melodiously, racing forward to stop the boy. He turned around and I was surprised by how much he looked like an angel. "That's my stepfather, Geeb! I can't let you kill him because although I totally hate him, I'm supposed to be noble and stuff," I informed him. 

"Nah brah, he a monster, yo," said the boy. "By the way, I'm Nico di Angelo and I like beatboxing and being emo." He started rapping like a boss.

"Hi, I'm Evangel Seminary and I'm badass and sassy and a strong woman. I'm also really quirky and I'm not like other girls," I extended my hand. He shook it. 

"Nice to meet you, Evangel. Now, we must defeat this monster!!" Nico croaked gallantly. He snapped his fingers in a Z-formation and suddenly he was wearing armor with the royal coat of arms of England on it. "CHAAAAARGEE!!" He charged.

(A/N: Sorry, England.)

"Swoon!" I swooned bravely. 

"Gasp!" gasped Shrek, who was hanging from the beams on the ceiling.

I ignored Shrek and gazed at Nico. His black hair rustled in the wind, although no one could see it because he was wearing armor. How did I manage to see it? Simple, I have X-Ray vision.

"DIEEEEEE!!!" He whispered politely as he brought down his sword on Geeb- no, the monster hybrid's neck. I decided that this simply wouldn't do. He was taking all my glory although I don't want any because I'm humble. 

So I jumped up, did a magical girl cartoon transformation where my hair grew fifty eight times longer and shinier and braided itself into an Elsa-style hairdo, and my queenly robes billowed into some sort of girlie princess Greek chiton-ish thing. Two sparkly fairy wings sprouted from my shoulder blades as I jumped up and did a twirl.

 "Magic time!" I declared passionately in my best Barbie voice, pointing my heart-topped wand at the monster. 

"Nooooo," the monster/ Geeb did the floss frantically on the window. Nico turned around, amazed by my radical royal regalia. "Wow, Evangel!" He said, entranced. "You're so cool and stuff!"