The Worst PJO Fanfic Ever

VILLAINS SEND ME A FULLY ARMED BATTALION TO REMIND ME OF THEIR LOVE!!!

The giant thundered into the distance as the earth shook beneath his feet.

"Wowee," I said fearlessly. I launched myself into the air with my sheer perfection and slashed the giant across the neck.

The giant plummeted into the ocean and got snapped up by a giant Dreader.

(A/N: It's from the HTTYD books. You should read them.)

"ROAR," the Dreader roared shyly and dove to the depths of the ocean.

I stood there gallantly, my chest heaving. I lifted my sword to the horizon. "THE ATTACK HAS BEEN EVADED," a camper said stupidly.

Right on cue, the hill started shaking again. "MORE MONSTERS," a camper shrieked, shivering.

"Don't worry, I'll save you," Batman wheezed like the old man he is, floating in front of me. A hellhound bounded out of a cloud and bit his head off.

"Ooh," the author remarked as his head toppled off the hill. 

"RIP Batman," the readers chimed in simultaneously. 

"I WILL AVENGE YOU, BATMAN," I screamed delicately, floating up and kicking off into the sky. "DIE, HELLHOUND," I stabbed it in the flank. I went on, stabbing and slashing at monsters, killing giants with a single thunderbolt and throwing dracaenae out of the sky. I couldn't believe my eyes! The campers were coming to my aid and fighting with powers that were obviously less impressive than mine.

"You haven't won the war yet!" said a familiar raspy voice. It was Voldemort.

He rose into the sky, blasting Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy at top volume while he waltzed with Lucius Malfoy on the back of a Singetail.

"We can defeat you with the power of DANCE!" Voldemort snarled. He spun Lucius around like a top and jumped like a breaching whale. "FOR MY LEFT PINKY TOE!" he yelled as he plummeted to the ground.

"Truly a worthy adversary!" I said in my smart voice, stroking my beautiful chin. "Demigods, arm the ballistae! We shoot not to kill, but to stun!"

"How merciful and angelic of my love," Nico simped, hugging my leg. "I wouldn't expect anything else, for she is an angel!" 

He fainted right after that dramatic speech and served no purpose for the rest of the battle.

"Give me back the 'Narrator' job, author," I snarled like the complete airhead I am.

"No. Deal with it," she said, typing like the piece of trash she is. "Yes, I wrote that bit."

She gave me back the Narrator job after one dialogue exchange, which proves how glorious and humble I am, so on with the story.

I spun around and caught Nico with one slender, smooth, poreless arm. "My love has fallen in the throes of battle! These are truly evil opponents! Fight, everyone, for my Nico-poo, for my Snookie Wookie!"

"Barf, readers," the author commanded.

"The readers barfed," she typed into her computer.

I expelled the author into the thin air with one flick of my powerful wrist. "I'm an edgy, quirky, ruthless Yandere!" I said something in anime language that no one could understand and strode into battle, hacking enemies to bits.

"RETREAT! SHE IS TOO STRONG AND PERFECT!" Voldemort and Lucius jumped back onto their Singetail and swooped off into the sky, doing perfect (though not as perfect as mine) pirouettes with every flap of the dragon's wings.

"E-Evangel! You have saved us all, my girl," Chiron grabbed me by the hands gratefully. "We will forever honour your strong and perfect courage in battle!"

Everyone cheered. "She is beauty! She is grace! She could punch us in the face and we wouldn't complain!" 

I blushed humbly and announced, "Voldemort and the evil villains from whatever fandoms will not stop until we defeat them. There will be another attack, one that only Nico and I and Percy and Leo and Annabeth and Calypso can stand! There must be a quest in which the boys fall for me and the girls act totally jealous!"

"OMG! WHAT A NICE PLAN!" the crowd wiggled to the right in unison.

"Clever and cunning as always, Evangel! A toast to your bravery!"

Everyone raised a slice of toast to the sky. 

"For Evangel's bravery!"

- Time skip brought to you by the author, who is still sailing through the thin air, typing busily on her laptop as she does so -

The author landed in a giant toilet on the North side of a random island.

"The Author has arrived! All hail The Author!" a few hooded people raced towards the toilet, dancing with disappointment because the Author is a steaming pile of trash and the hooded people knew it.

"I am losing ideas for this story and I hate myself. Now go fetch me popcorn," the author said, rapidly writing and rapidly slamming her head on the keyboard. 

"Tubrfuww;ruALurfuirf12133kj2," the Author's computer wept loudly.

"THE AUTHOR HAS SPOKEN!" screeched the hooded characters.

(A/N: Author wasn't kidding about losing ideas. She has come up with some new ideas, but is losing ideas for the old ideas rather quickly. So if this story ends rather quickly you'll know why.

It's not the ending yet, there's still a stupid quest ahead.

Expect some very weird plotlines in the future.

Oh, and if  the way I portray characters angers you greatly, do keep in mind that this is a crackfic. It has nothing to do with anything but has everything to do with everything. 

The short version of that paragraph up there: If you get mad at this crackfic, remember that it's crack and it is SUPPOSED to drive you mad.

But if I get my spelling wrong or whatnot, tell me as quickly as you can.

Thanks for reading and αντιο σας.)